(Images from our photo shoot on my birthday)
I had a good weekend. We had a lot of friend-time, C and me-time, family-time, and church-time. Each of those is so important to me and to get them all in on the same weekend is just a bonus. Church time was great this weekend because we had church meetings on Saturday and Sunday. It left me feeling uplifted and motivated, but in a lot of ways it left me feeling sad and sorry for myself.
You see, in my church, there's always a lot of talk about families, which is probably one of my favorite things about our church, but this weekend I was feeling a little lonely for a family of my own. You know, for little people running around, with the spunk of their dad, the frizzy hair of their mom, and the energy of a happy child. My heart ached a little bit more and more each time somebody talked about being better parents. I just want to be a parent at all.
Infertility isn't a one time event where all of your emotions come and go at the same time and then never come back. Infertility is an ongoing thing, and I have to remind myself of that. I want to be that amazing woman who finds out she "can't have children" and then mourns for a day and moves on. Instead I'm the woman who is brave for a few weeks and is strong and immovable, and then a complete basket-case for a week. It's a cycle, and I can't help but wonder when it will stop.
In the mean time I'm hoping that last week was my one week of being a basket-case and that I'm going to be in the "brave" part of the cycle for a while now.
(Images from our photo shoot on my birthday)
At least that's my goal for this week.
Besides, you can't put a baby on a Vespa right?
I hope you all had a good weekend.
Happy Monday
