Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Tuesday Tells-Story Time

Not to be redundant, but we're trying to adopt. By trying, I mean we've filed out truck-loads of paperwork, gone to a plethora of meetings, donated half our blood and an arm and a leg each, and we dominated the home study. After all that we are now patiently waiting, for approximately 6-8 weeks, for our letter of certification to come from the state of good ol' AZ. Today marks 5 weeks and 3 days of waiting. and though we're not quite to 6 weeks yet, I've been running to the mailbox for the past 38 days in an abundance of anticipation. And today, well today I was certain our letter would come. So I parked my yellow cruiser,and gracefully dismounted in my hand-me-down green Blossom dress and daintily made my way to the mailbox . So I leaped off my bike, not even taking the time to put down my kick stand, dirtied my dress on the filthy front tire and sprinted to the mailbox.

I lifted the lid, and held my breath as I saw that the mailman had indeed been there today. I stood on my tippy toes to make sure I got all the mail. I folded it all into one big cylinder so I could be seated as I went through the mail, piece by piece. I came in, sat down, and quickly realized I had rolled my mail for nothing, there was only was piece of mail in the box. And what was that one piece of mail?

Yep, thank you Huggies for the ultimate face rubbingness. And to top it all off, it was an ad telling me to stick my kid in front of a dryer so I wouldn't have to entertain my baby!

Jerks! If I had a baby, I'd play with her and tickle her and read her stories. I was BIIIITTTEEERRR!! (That's bitter, not biter). But, it's totally my fault. Remember that time when I thought I was prego? Well I signed up for every expectant mother website I could find. And ever since then I've received all sorts of heart stabbing loot. Ever need any diapers or formula? I'm your gal! And I mean, I suppose I could call up each website and ask to be removed from their mailing list but that would be admitting defeat. And as anyone with 4 older, bigger, stronger, brothers knows, the best war tactic you could ever live by is "never admit defeat". So instead of writing Huggies a "please uninvited me from your friend list" letter, I'll write them a letter that looks something like this

Dear Huggies,
Thanks for sending me diapers for the baby I never had. And thanks for giving me good ideas of how not to entertain my future children. I've heard your diapers are pretty good, so keep em' coming because someday I WILL have babies! Thanks.

Heart Ash.