I lifted the lid, and held my breath as I saw that the mailman had indeed been there today. I stood on my tippy toes to make sure I got all the mail. I folded it all into one big cylinder so I could be seated as I went through the mail, piece by piece. I came in, sat down, and quickly realized I had rolled my mail for nothing, there was only was piece of mail in the box. And what was that one piece of mail?
Yep, thank you Huggies for the ultimate face rubbingness. And to top it all off, it was an ad telling me to stick my kid in front of a dryer so I wouldn't have to entertain my baby!
Jerks! If I had a baby, I'd play with her and tickle her and read her stories. I was BIIIITTTEEERRR!! (That's bitter, not biter). But, it's totally my fault. Remember that time when I thought I was prego? Well I signed up for every expectant mother website I could find. And ever since then I've received all sorts of heart stabbing loot. Ever need any diapers or formula? I'm your gal! And I mean, I suppose I could call up each website and ask to be removed from their mailing list but that would be admitting defeat. And as anyone with 4 older, bigger, stronger, brothers knows, the best war tactic you could ever live by is "never admit defeat". So instead of writing Huggies a "please uninvited me from your friend list" letter, I'll write them a letter that looks something like this
Thanks for sending me diapers for the baby I never had. And thanks for giving me good ideas of how not to entertain my future children. I've heard your diapers are pretty good, so keep em' coming because someday I WILL have babies! Thanks.