For the past 20 months I have certainly not forgotten that we can't have babies, but it hasn't consumed my mind nearly as much. I have had a 1 year old to chase around, after all. :) But one thing's for certain, the infertility hasn't, nor will it ever go away. And as my sweet little baby is slowly turning into a big boy and not so much of a baby anymore, the infertility seems to be creeping its way from the back to the forefront of my mind again.
I always imagined myself having lots of babies, being pull-my-hair-out busy, and (most importantly) having a family band/musical group. In a normal/natural (whatever that means) world, this would be a time in our lives where baby #2 would be here, on his/her way, or at the very least, in the plans. But I don't even know where to start with planning for baby #2. I feel like we're starting from scratch. A new town, a new state, we're now a family of 3 not just a family of 2, and everything seems so brand new, even though we've been down this road before.
But despite the fear, frustration, and spinning in circles trying to find direction, we are so grateful and blessed to know that there are answers and solutions to infertility and I can honestly say, no matter what the future holds, I look forward to it. Because, though I'm completely biased, Nolan would make a pretty great big brother.
My heart genuinely hurts for those of you who haven't had success with infertility. Please don't take my yearning for baby #2 as a slap in the face for those of you who don't have baby #1 yet. I was so worried while writing this that I would sound heartless and maybe even greedy, but please know that I in no way want to offend/hurt anybody with what I say. I hope we can all lean on and support each other in each of our quests to be parents, be that first time, second time, or fifth time parents. :)
