Wednesday, February 22, 2012

A Dishwasher Full of infertility Thoughts

Shortly after being diagnosed with infertility, it felt like everything I heard and saw was "baby this" and "baby that". It's like when you buy a new car and you try so hard to find something unique, and as soon as you buy that car, suddenly you notice that 10 other people on the road have the exact same car. Or when you hear a word on tv that you don't recognize, so you look it up, and within the next week you hear that word over and over again. Somethings, even with all the effort in the world, you can't get away from. And an infertile woman trying to steer clear of baby stuff is next to impossible.

I would hear things like "I just can't afford a new car seat right now and my baby's grown out of his infant one" and all I could think was, "at least you NEED a car seat"! Or "I haven't had a good night's sleep in over 3 months" and I'd say to myself, "at least you have a reason to be up at night".

And just a few weeks ago, on what could have possibly been the hardest and longest day as a mother for me yet, I was complaining about how my diaper bag broke on the escalator of the subway station, and all of my baby items plummeted down, down, down, while I helplessly held Nolan and his stroller in my arms, able to do absolutely nothing about the mass quantity of baby items rolling away. And then a familiar voice entered my head and said,

"Well, at least you need a diaper bag".

Sometimes I get so caught up in the difficult days, the long nights, the dirty diapers, the never ending messes, the filthy toys, and the ever-present mound of dishes. But it's during those times when I must remember,

at least I need diapers
at least I own toys
at least I have someone to make messes and create dirty dishes
at least I have Nolan

No, at most I have Nolan, and I couldn't ask for more.

On days when I look at my dishwasher and think "I couldn't fit one more thing in there if I tried", I am grateful that my dishwasher is full of bath toys, baby bowls, sippy cups, and tiny spoons.

Happy Wednesday!