Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Within My Heart

I've read before that a good blogger never blogs about blogging. That being said, I'm willing to sacrifice any inner hope I ever had of being a good blogger to say that in my heart, I desire to be a better blogger. This blog has been so incredibly therapeutic for me, and has brought me to meet, both virtually and physically, so many of you, whom I consider dear friends. But you probably didn't even know I consider you dear friends because when I'm in town I don't call, and when I read your blogs I don't comment. Within my heart, I want to be a better friend too.

Growing up I had the world's best friend. She was also my 1st cousin so we were shoo ins to win the best friends ever award. And it was easy being her friend (I'm feeling a deja vu feeling right now, which means I've probably already blogged about this, and if so, forgive me). Because I had a built-in best friend, I've often felt like my friend-making skills never fully were developed and since I genuinely enjoy spending one-on-one time with my husband, so many nights are spent at home, the 2 of us, sometimes Skyping with said best friend, and usually watching a movie on the couch, feeling perfectly comfortable and content. But friends are important, and I know that. Making new friends is such a good idea!

This turned into a rambling of current feelings I've been harboring, and I guess what it boils down to is this...

In 2012, along with my One-Word Goals, I want to:
Be A Better Blogger
Be A Better Friend

And since good bloggers don't blog about blogging, I better get all of my blogging talk done in one blog so I never have to be a bad blogger again. :) (Please sense my facetiousness.)

This blog started as a way for me to anonymously discuss my feelings and experiences with infertility. Then I concluded that anonymity wasn't feeling right because 1. I don't like secrets and 2. I had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. So then the blog was about me, and my infertility. Then, a lot of other cool things happened, and I wanted to share them on this blog, even though they didn't have anything to do with infertility. So this blog became about me, my infertility, and my life. Then I went back and forth about 100 times about the purpose of this blog. Should it just be about infertility? Should it talk about my baby or is that too mean to those who don't have children yet? Should I accept sponsors? Should I advertise on others' blogs? And after all of these questions...I still don't have any answers. Sometimes I think I have answers, but then I just end up changing my mind.

So I guess what I've decided is that myspoiledeggs feels like home to me. And for now it is what it is. A place for me to talk about everything, including infertility, Nolan, and other stuff. And I don't have a clear view or answer as to what exactly this blog should or shouldn't be about, so for now it's just going to be.

I think I'm trying to lower my expectations, and get back to blogging for the love of it, and not to try to be as cool as the really cool people in the world. Because I'm just me, and this is just my blog, and right now, I'm okay with that.

(This is where I'd normally apologize for ranting, and talk about how awkward this post might be for some people to read. This is also where I'd congratulate anybody who actually read the whole thing. But instead of doing all of that, I'm going to skip the apologies and feel good about expressing my feelings, and not feeling pressure by what others may or may not think. In other words, the end. :)

Happy Wednesday!!