Friday, July 29, 2011

Guest Post-Heather and James PART II

Wasn't Heather's blog yesterday awesome?! I seriously have learned to love her outlook on life, and her husband is just as charming and insightful. Today we're featuring Heather's husband James and I'm so excited. It's not often that we get a man's perspective on infertility. Today is such a treat. So sit back, enjoy reading Jame's words, and come back next week for some more amazing guest bloggers!

Happy Friday!

It IS Fair

Please excuse my bluntness…..

My wife and I have been struggling for more than 5 years now and continue to struggle to have a child but not once have the words, “It’s not fair,” come from my wife or me. The struggle with infertility is no different than any other difficult trial or struggle that we may have in life. I watched my mother die slowly over 10 years. Her illness kept her from doing everything she loved, being wheelchair bound and always having an oxygen hose and tank. Not once did the words "It’s not fair," come from her lips….Not once. When I was serving my mission and she left this mortal life not once did the words "It’s not fair," come from me. Because the difficult reality is: IT IS FAIR. Sorry, but this is what life is. This is the reason we all wanted to come to earth - to be tried and tested, pushed to our very limits almost until we break. And just before we do we are pulled in close by unseen arms and held in warmth and comfort until it is as though all the pain is gone.

By saying “It’s not fair,” you are telling God that He is neither just nor merciful. Please, I beg of you, never say “It’s not fair,” again. Don’t pass that idea onto others. Be strong, be wise, be patient. The Lord knows you, He knows you struggle -- He will do what is best for you. Spend less time worrying about when your time will come and spend more time searching for what the Lord has in store for you in this life. Be his servant and bless others with your struggles.

This is not to say that some days don’t suck, plain and simple. But the more you dwell on the negative, the more it will eat at you. Seek every day whatsoever is, "virtuous, lovely or of good report or praiseworthy," (Pearl of Great Price, 13th Article of Faith). I will pass to you some of the best advice I have ever heard, it was given to me by a member of the Quorum of the 70: Every time you find yourself in despair, when you see no hope and you feel you are picked on or you find life unfair, I want you to write a letter of comfort to the Prophet of the Lord, Joseph Smith, as he sat in Liberty Jail and asked the Lord, “Why?”. Give him comfort from the beatings, from the fear, from the darkness. Help him to understand why it is fair; that God has a plan for him and the Saints. “Thou are not yet as Job.” (D&C, 121:10) Ask yourself again, “Is this fair?” May the Lord bless you in your search for understanding, may He hold you close when you are about to break, may you have peace and hope.