This is difficult. Sitting down to write my feelings and experiences with infertility. I usually try to NOT do the talking on this subject. When I let her do the talking I do not have to pay attention to or explore my own thoughts and feelings. I have rather enjoyed listening and sympathizing rather than talking and empathizing.
I thought devastating things like finding out that I do not have the stuff it takes to make kids would be a whole lot more... devastating. From the view point of natural selection, I am simply an inferior being and will, in one lifetime, be eradicated. From the view point of a gambler, I got dealt a bad hand. From the view point of Christianity, I have been given a trial. From my view point my body does not work perfectly right now and that will only make my spirit stronger.
I found that I slightly agree with this article on blogher.com... that trying to have a baby is much like trying to find a spouse. Finding Ash took me five years and was well worth the wait. So, why would adding another member to our family be any quicker. I guess what I am trying to say is that disappointment and heartache most often come from unmet expectations. And to be completely honest, I did not have any thought out or well laid plans about how and when I would have children with my spouse. Now that we are seeking to bring a child into our family through adoption, it seems natural and normal. It is very exciting because of all the unknowns. Who will this child b e? Who will the birth mother be? How long will it take? How much will it cost? When do we start buying baby clothes and preparing the nursery? How do I help Ash with all of this? Will our child end up looking like this?
Do we let our kid wear things like this?
Now I will let Ash do the talking...
