Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Tuesday Tells

So..did you check out my hubs' new site? I kind of can't get enough of it.

Today, on this very hot Tuesday, I'm going to let somebody else tell their story hence "Tuesday Tells". I'm really excited about it and here's why.

Today you'll hear from my Sister In-law, Sarah. She's one of my heroes and she does everything with style. You know that part on "The Notebook" when Noah's mistress comes over and finally meets Ally and she tells Noah that Ally is sensational? And she's just completely awe struck with Ally and can't even be mad that Noah chose Ally because who wouldn't? Well that's Sarah. She's completely sensational and I can't even be mad at her for stealing my brother. :) Sarah has a tale to tell so I give to you my Sarah....

(This is probably my favorite pic. of Sarah and my brother. I love love it.)

Hello! I am Sarah from Martin Momentos. I was a bit surprised when my Dear sister
Ashlee reached out to me to share our experiences with infertility. I hope that I can write
up to your standards, but most of all- hopefully I can help someone know that you are not
alone when going through this time in your life. Forgive the longevity.
Infertility is so personal. It is the most personal thing I have ever shared with
someone. I am sharing with you all a lot more info then you probably need to know, but
I can’t explain it otherwise. Having children is such an amazing, spiritual gift, and when
you can’t naturally do this, it is the hardest thing. Everyone has a different and distinctive
road, with their own speed bumps, hills, maybe a few bridges that they have to cross. Our
road started when we were married almost 7 years ago.
My husband is Ashlee’s older brother. He is the first “homegrown” offspring
in the bunch, so needless to say, since he was a surprise to the parents, we were more
prepared when we found out we were having challenges. I was on BC (birth control)
for exactly 5 months. I tried several kinds and let’s just say that my hormones were
so sensitive to the stuff that we decided to end the wrath. I removed myself since my
hormones were raging- newlywed + BC (for me) = a not nice girl who was kind of crazy
to her new husband. So our journey or our windy and interesting road began.
After a year of not really trying, but not really not trying, we kind of figured
something was just not right. We moved to Utah for my hubs J-O-B. I went to a new Dr.
who I explained our history to, and immediately she recommended that I needed a med
unrelated to fertility (which I didn’t actually need), and she suggested my husband should
do a Kruger test at a reproductive endocrinologists office. She didn’t put urgency in it
though, saying we had only been trying a year.
Now- this kind of annoyed me- because I know people who seem to sneeze and they get
pregnant. When she said only a year, I was like only? I get the mentality of Dr’s, but
come on- a year is a long time.
During this time, I was looking for a new job. I was having trouble finding
something that was fulltime and what I wanted to do. I started getting desperate and pretty
much applied for everything in the paper. I got a call back and an interview from a Dr’s
office. Come to find out this was the “Reproductive Endocrinologists” office that the Dr.
had referred to us to get the test done. Can you say Divine Intervention? I got the job and
immediately I started soaking everything up like a sponge. They specialized in infertility-
everything about it. I learned everything I needed and didn’t need to know about
infertility treatments. I got to witness embryos being created in Petri dishes, processes
preparing husbands and wives for in vitro. It was such a blessing learning all about this
and becoming really great friends with the gals in the office. They soon convinced me to
have my husband come in for the TEST.
We did it. Finally. No one wanted to tell me the results, so I knew that they were not
up to par. The funny thing is, is that I had to type up all the test results, and I saw them
before anyone explained it to me so I got the gist.
So, THE SPERM as Ashlee portrays it on her blog- Described as low count,
millions of round cells (pre sperm), and not as many normal sperm. Those normal
sperm were perfect though. The Dr. finally pulled me into the office and laid it down in
Laymen’s terms. First off- they had never seen these types of results. The sperm seem
to have been released prior to full maturity- hence the millions of round cells, besides
the several that were perfect. He explained that he wanted to do more testing on my
Hubs and told me our only option of conceiving naturally would be in-vitro with ICSI
and TESI and would cost us roughly 17 grand. Whoa… a lot to take in. Sherrod and

I discussed it. Then we went through a period of mourning. We expected something,
and when it was confirmed we literally mourned. We mourned hard core- and I am not
exaggerating when we say mourned. We were sad, then mad, then depressed… then cried
again, then didn’t want to talk about it, then did. We cried, asked why? Then got on our
hands and knees and prayed some more. It was like losing apart of ourselves. We had to
go through this part to be ok with it all.
Fast forward 5 years. We started the adoption process with 2 kids. Crazy situation.
A lot more detail and emotion go into this then what I will share. It was hard on the kids,
it was hard on us. The Mom was involved 100% and took us for a ride. It was hard. We
prayed about every step and were ok until we realized it would never be real with the
birthparents. We had the kids and then we couldn’t make those children take the ride
anymore. Sometimes you have to cut your losses even though you want it and need
something so bad, if it is not a good situation and you need those kids to not be in the
middle of a confusing thing.
Recovering from that situation is still happening. It took a toll on us, the kids, our
families, but we would never change it for a minute. We learned so much and became
even stronger as a couple. I still hope, I still have hope and I still dream, and there is still
not a month that passes that I cross my fingers. The difference is I am ok if and when
there is disappointment. Now 27 years old, and being married for almost 7 years, we have
a few things in the works. We’ll see what happens J
There are several positives about infertility. When we were going through the
beginning stages of learning about everything, I asked the Lord- What do I need to
learn, what do I need to do? And I have come to know that by sharing my experiences
with others, I have touched many lives of people that who are on a similar road. I have
made great friends, and we have become a support for each other. My relationship with
my husband is so much stronger than I think it would have been had we been blessed
with children right away. I know that we are going through this trial for a reason and to
help others along the way. It takes time and I am blessed to be going through this. On a funny note- How can
you tell that you are trying to get pregnant? When someone asks you what day it is and
you reply with Day 19. Gotta love it. Thanks Ash, for letting me share this. Good luck to
you all and I hope that your road leads you to a child to hold and love on. Keep the faith!