Happy Thursday! I always feel like once Thursday rolls around the weekend is practically here, and then there's either a huge sense of relief and anticipation for the end-of-the-week festivities, or a huge sense of failure for everything I didn't get done that week. Lucky for me, I was a prioritizing fool this week and I can restfully say, bring on the weekend.
This week I have received more e-mails than I knew what to do with from so many of you who are also struggling with infertility. I am so sorry. I hate getting those e-mails because my heart breaks for you and I wish I could take your pain away. But I love getting those e-mails because I inevitably learn so much from you, and I usually finish your e-mails feeling united with strangers who share my pain, and more motivated to have your strength and courage.
I remember when C and I learned for the first time that we would probably never have children naturally. We were not surprised, in fact we were expecting to hear that. We had tried so long already, and I had felt since my teenage years that I would struggle having children. In fact, we were so un-surprised that I think my doctor was confused. We just smiled, told her thank you and left the room. It was almost a relief to hear in words from a medical professional what I'd always assumed. I think we left that day, thinking we would handle the situation much better than we actually did.
As weeks passed by, and especially as months passed by, things got harder. There was a need to blame somebody or something, and believe me, we gave everybody the opportunity to be blamed. We blamed the little boy with roller blades on who kicked C you know where back when they were little boys. We blamed heredity. We blamed ourselves saying "if only we were more righteous". We even blamed God. And then, as we pulled ourselves back up, from what felt like the depths of despair, something amazing happened. We experienced a miracle.
We realized that our infertility wasn't a curse that somebody needed to be blamed for, but a blessing that somebody needed to be thanked for. You see, as it was, going through what felt like 3 years of endless suffering, C and I were being molded into a couple that relies on one another, and a couple that depends on one another, and turns to one another, and we became a couple that can do anything together.
Infertility has made us the couple we are today, and we are thankful that we've been given this trial to help us get here. I know we're young guns, and we don't know much, and three years is just a drop in the bucket compared to most, but I'm really glad that I look back on our three years with smiles, and I look forward to the next 75 years with hope and anticipation.
We are nearly done with our adoption certification process and things are falling into place. After we saw the doctor, that fateful day, we had so many options. Drugs, procedures, remedies, and adoption were just a few of them. So we prayed, and decided that no matter which one of those things we tried, we HAD to try something. We couldn't just sit and do nothing. So the doctor handed me some Clomid followed by the encouraging words "just so you know, this won't work", and we were off to a great start. She was right, it didn't work but it felt so good to be proactive.
We gave up drugs and treatments after one round of Clomid just because it didn't feel like the right thing to do, and then we prayed and pondered for a very long time about what was right for us. A short while later, we decided that adoption felt right and we've been going forward with that ever since. We have no idea what will come from our adoption journey, but we will always be able to say that we are trying, and doing something. We are putting forth effort, and that is the best part.
My limited knowledge and naive experiences would like to offer you the same advice. Do something. Don't just sit there and be sad. Do something. Read up on your options. Make a consultation appointment with a doctor. Visit a local adoption agency. Do something. No matter where you are in the world, no matter where you are in life. Do something and your outlook will improve, your love and relationship with your spouse will increase, and your ability to move forward will expand. I promise.
Here's to a weekend of loving your spouse a little more, blaming a little less, and doing something.
***Next week I want to feature YOU. You are all so much stronger and wiser than I am, and I would love to hear your stories and feed off of your strength. If you haven't already done so, e-mail me your story. If you have already done so, and you'd like your story to be shared on Spoiled Eggs, e-mail me. :)