Thursday, April 18, 2013

One Little Phrase:

Yesterday I was on the phone talking to a complete stranger about Collin's graduation and some other things when he asked if I had children. I told him I had an almost 2-year old son to which he replied, ever so innocently, "And you'll probably have more some day, right?". I answered, "I hope so" and left it at that, but that little moment stayed with my all day, and all night, and I even lost sleep over it. It seemed so easy for him to say, it felt like he was assuming I could just decide to have more kids some day and then have it be so, it seemed so casual, when in reality, bringing children into our family is the least casual thing I've ever done. Instead, it has been the most fierce and intense thing I've ever done. Figuring out that adoption was our route to babies, then going through the endless amounts of red-tape, hoops, and paperwork that it took to get certified, followed by the heart-wrenching process of waiting and hoping and wishing and praying was the most emotionally taxing process for us. It was exhausting, and time-consuming, and mind-consuming, and everything-consuming. But do you know what? I think I'm ready to do it all over again. Because coupled with the emotional pain and exhaustion was a constant adrinaline rush of 'what if' and 'maybe today', with the most obvious reward of going through that taxing process being this little nugget of a boy that we call Nolan (and NoNo, Baby, Bubba, Stinker Pot, and Noly). And my goodness is he ever worth it.
(Blurry iphone pictures taken on Easter waiting for the train)