Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Hump Day Guest Blogger-Pennie

First things first, don't forget to enter the giveaway before Friday. Second, now that you've all been introduced to my first guest blogger (isn't she awesome?!), I shall introduce you to my second. She's one of my very favorite people in the entire world. She's practically part of my family and she's been a major source of comfort through my own infertility. As I read her thoughts I am reminded again of how much I love her, and I know you will too. Here's Pennie...


I have sat down many times to write ‘my story’. Not necessarily just for this blog but more to have a record of my infertility journey. So here I go.

The story:
After trying to get pregnant for a while and a few suspicions, my husband and I went in for some fertility testing. My OB/GYN promptly told me that we would never have children naturally and that our only shot was going to see a fertility doctor. I did lots of research and found one of the best doctors in town and scheduled an appointment. I have loved my Dr. since day 1. He did tests and explained that low sperm count was the problem. So low, in fact, that the chance of us becoming pregnant naturally was pretty much 0. Zip. Zilch. Nada. The only words ever discussed for treatment were in vitro. That’s right, he jumped to the most extreme procedure right away. We had to spend a few years saving money because in vitro is thousands and thousands of dollars and our insurance did not cover one penny of it. We took the risk, prayed lots, and underwent the emotionally and physically painful process giving us a chance at getting pregnant. I am happy to report that I am currently in my 1st trimester, and everyday realize that I am one of the few that have a successful ending to a bout with in vitro.

A few thoughts on where I am now:

1.I have learned that I can do hard things. Not because hard things will become easy but because I am stronger than I thought I was. I remember the day I got my box of medications for my round of in virto. A huge box of needles, medications, pills, and patches. Drugs that I knew would make me moody, swollen, gain weight, bruised, and feel crappy. I cried. I layed on the floor next to the drugs and cried. How was I supposed to inject myself with drugs everyday? Well guess what, I did it (with the help of the hubby). Why? Because I can do hard things. We can all do hard things. We may not like it but we can do it.

2.I remember when we first found out that we would never have kids the natural way. Through teary eyes I looked at my sweet husband and said, “This will make us or break us.” We decided to have it ‘make us’. My marriage is stronger because we are going through this together, and I feel bad that those couples who don’t have fertility problems don’t have that incredible bond together. I know it sounds weird but it’s how I feel. We always joke that not many couples get to experience our daily ritual of my husband giving me a shot of progesterone in the bum. Now that’s what I call bonding.

3.I thought that as soon as I got pregnant that all the infertility emotions would go away. After all, I am expecting, problem solved, right? Wrong. I still look at all the families at church and wonder how that could come so easy to most. I still tear up a bit when I found out that a friend is pregnant and have all those feelings that are unexplainable to anyone who can just have sex and get pregnant. The feelings of wanting children but they just won’t come. The feelings of ‘why me?’ that are so frequently asked but never answered.

In my infertility battle it has always helped to remember that I am not alone. I have spent many hours looking at the results of a google search of infertility blogs. Just to hear someone’s story helped.