Monday, January 25, 2010

An Infertile Week

Last week was filled with some friendly, and some not so friendly reminders of my infertility.

I should say "our" infertility. My husband and I are in this together and for that I am grateful.

Anyway, it all started out with a phone call from the dr.'s office reminding me that it's time for my annual girly check up. In the course of conversation which was mingled with small talk and scheduling, the nice nurse lady asked if I had anything I particular I wanted to chat with the dr. about.

It's amazing how many thoughts the mind is capable of producing in such a short amount of time because I immediately came up with several answers. Some of them clever, some of them awkward, one was rude and one was completely inappropriate. I suppose the answer I chose was best;

"nothing new since the last time I visited."

She gave a sympathetic laugh.
I kind of appreciated it.

That was on Wednesday. Nothing like your hump day being spoiled by a blatant reminder.

On Saturday we visited good friends who just had a baby.

Let me stop right here and insert that I in NO way resent or feel guile toward people who can have children. Insert inserted.

The baby was precious, the mother glowing, the father boasting and my heart breaking. The only thing worse than seeing a doctor about infertility is seeing fertile people with babies.

I am a faith kind of a girl. I attend church regularly, by that I mean I go to church every Sunday and usually show up to a couple church meetings during the week. My religion is a huge part of my life, my love, my happiness, I think you get the point.

One of my favorite things about my church is the emphasis that is put on motherhood, families, children, etc.

So of course this Sunday (the lesson topics change every week) each portion of our 3 hour church meeting was devoted to motherhood. Zing.

I spent all day sucking in my pride, tears, and a lot of snot.
I pouted.
And then realized there is so much in last week that I missed.

We have doctors!! Who know a LOT about infertility. Blessing.
People are having babies!! This is miraculous!! Blessing.
I have faith!! I have desire to be a mother!! God will provide a Blessing.

Side Note:
Ever seen this site?
Frequent it. Really. Do it.