Infertility Spoiled Eggs

Winter Came Back

2012-02-10T10:50:00.000-08:00

Winter kind of disappeared here in Chicago for a while. I thought we were actually going to experience Spring. But today as I was emerging from (what I thought was) a little Spring siesta, Collin send me a text saying,

"Winter is back"

It had started snowing and I slept right through it! But apparently Nolan got the memo, because this is how I found him after his nap.

He was completely mesmerized, with an open mouth of wonder and everything! I love him.

I hope you all have a great weekend.
We plan on having our regularly scheduled Friday Night Date.
The theme for tonight's date is 'Loaf'.
Collin's in charge. I'll let you know how it goes. :)
We also get to go to a couple extra church meetings, and are hopefully going to find Collin some nice slacks (his new internship doesn't allow jeans on the weekdays...how could they!)

Happy, happy, HAPPY FRIDAY!!

The Time I Won 'The Ugly Pageant'

2012-02-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

Just a few weeks after our high school graduation, our parents shipped my cousin/best friend (I've got to come up with a name for that- fousin, criend, hmm..) Markee and me to Palmyra, New York. Just as it seemed then, it remains one of the best decisions I've ever made. We were both well into our 18th year of life, and felt like we had the world on a string, and we thought we knew everything. In retrospect we were such babies, so young, so naive, and our every decision was based 100% on boys. But we didn't know, and we didn't care. It was the time of our lives. We had no rules, no regulations, no commitments or time constraints, and aside from some creepy late-night prank calls, we had no problems. We also had no fear of rejection, no real sense of decency, and so when somebody suggested we enter an ugly pageant, we didn't even think twice.

You see, I'd had a history of being in pageants. When I was a junior in high school, just 2 short years earlier, I heard that one of my greatest female rivals (a senior at the time) had entered a beauty pageant that offered college scholarships. I was, as I usually was of her, quite jealous, and to be honest, a little relieved when she didn't win. A year after her pageant, when I was finally a senior, (which you had to be to enter the pageant) I entered myself. My entering had very little to do with the scholarships (I actually never even cashed in my winnings for the scholarship money...PITIFUL!) and a whole lot to do with the fact that I was currently dating said rival's ex-boyfriend, and I really wanted to do better in the pageant than she had the previous year. Oh the petty trials of youth. Anyway, the point of this tangent was that I had pageant experience, be it totally different pageant experience than would be expected of me at the upcoming 'Ugly Pageant', but experience nonetheless.

The day finally arrived and 11 other girls and I found ourselves huddled in several hotel bathrooms applying all sort of hideousness in forms of extra moles, mismatched clothing, in and some (brave) cases even some extra padding was in order. I quickly noticed that everybody else was using way more makeup than I was, and their clothes were much more flamboyant than mine. In fact, the only bit of makeup I used was a little mascara and I only used it to connect my eyebrows, to which I credit my win.

The pageant itself was a pure work of art. We all walked in to 'I'm Bringin' Sexy Back', and we were, and we did. We were each asked a question and expected to answer it terribly. And then our fate was left in the hands of some of the classiest people I knew. The judges were beautiful, stylish women, each somewhere around 55 years old, and I think they were appalled. Lucky for us they were also completely entertained and in addition to my uni-brow, I also owe them for my title of

'Miss Ugly 2006'

It was one of my finest moments, because instead of applying gross amounts of makeup in order to win the ugly pageant, I just simply didn't apply any at all. BAM!!

One year later, when Collin and I were engaged, a couple of my brothers insisted that he see the video of the ugly pageant before he agreed to marry me. I didn't protest, in fact, I think I pushed 'play', because, well, a win is a win, no matter how small. And just as I give credit to my uni-brow for the win, I give credit to watching that video for my happy marriage, because I can guarantee that though it's been close on some days, Collin has never seen me look as ugly as I looked that night.

And there you have it. My sweet, sweet victory in a nut shell. And what's a good story without a picture to go along? At the risk of losing all of my 11 aforementioned friends, I now present to you the 2006 Ugly Pageant contestants. I love you girls!!

Happy Thursday!

Tiny Dancer

2012-02-08T06:22:00.000-08:00

We introduced Nolan to Elton John early in his life...and he likes it. I love watching this little guy rock his life away when any song comes on. He's so fun.

Happy Wednesday!

A Good Week

2012-02-06T09:50:00.001-08:00

{Nolan helping me unload the dishwasher.}

This morning, I was looking at Nolan splashing in the tub and was overwhelmed with so many thoughts and emotions. He was listening to the soft music I had playing during his bath, and he would rock back and forth to the beat, and then he'd put one ear under the water, listen for a minute, and come up with such a look of wonder and amazement on his face. I was overcome with joy knowing that he and I can share music! I was floored at how much pure love I have for this little boy. And I was grateful that he is learning, exploring, and growing, even though sometimes I wish time would stand still.

It is nothing short of a miracle that he's my little boy,

and I am nothing short of honored to be his mommy.

It's going to be a great week with this little guy.

I can just feel it. :)

Happy Monday!

A Poem For Kenz

2012-02-03T05:21:00.000-08:00

A year ago today,

You changed our lives for good.

You allowed us to have something

We never knew we could.

It started with a message

That shared your age and name

And quickly turned to friendship

Things would never be the same

It was absolutely meant to be

We know it from the start

You’d be much more than just a friend

You’d be forever in our hearts

We talked so much, right off the bat

We had so much to say

We had such common interest

We talked and talked all day

We shared a love for eating

We shared a love for dance

We even shared some movies

This could not have been by chance

We shared each others clothes

We shared a bathroom too

We shared so much, I can’t recall

Did it belong to me or you?

We’ve shared a lot of things since then

But one is greater than any other

To one special boy, whom we love so much

We share the title ‘Mother’

I change his diapers, give him baths

And feed him crackers too.

But you and he shared 9 whole months

Just the two of you

I might be the mommy,

Who’ll deal with his sadness and strife

But you, Kenz are the mommy

Who gave our sweet son life

We’ve shared so much this past year

We’ve laughed and we’ve cried too

And there’s no one I’d rather share mommy-hood with

Than my biggest hero, YOU.

Kenz,

On the 6th of this month it will be one year since you first e-mailed us. So much has changed since then, but one thing that will never change is how much we love you. Thank you for giving us the greatest gift anyone in the world could have ever given. We love you more than words can say and we hope we get to see you really, really soon. We love you!

-Collin, Ashlee, and Nolan

Dear Mom

2012-02-02T10:06:00.001-08:00

Dear Mom,

I know hopping a plane and traveling across the country

only to be submerged in the big city and the cold of winter

isn't exactly inviting, so I put together a few images

that will hopefully entice you to come visit,

despite the population and weather.

I present to you a few of my purchases from yesterday's trip to the record store:

I promise to have "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore" playing on

the record player as you walk through our front door.

Now if Neil and Barbara won't get you here, I don't know what will.

See you soon?

Love,

Ash

A Message To Me

2012-01-31T07:04:00.001-08:00

This is such a fun time in our lives. Don't get me wrong, we are busy, we don't see Daddy nearly enough, and it is for theo most part way too cold outside to do anything adventurous, BUT we are happy and we have fun. We have good friends, we love where we live, we enjoy our church assignments and service opportunities, and we get to wake up each morning to little Nolan. And if you'd have told me exactly a year ago that in just a year's time we'd live in Chicago, and would have a baby, I'd probably have laughed and said, "wishful thinking". Because just one year ago, we were 6 days away from meeting the woman who would change our lives forever and we had NO idea. One year ago we were getting up every morning, going to work/school, coming home at night, looking at our spare bedroom dreaming it into a nursery, and thinking that it would be forever before we held a baby in our arms. Little did we know. I'm trying to think, "what do I wish I could have told myself a year ago knowing what I know now", and I've come up with a few things:

1. Try to be patient, The Lord has big plans.

2. If you can just make it through this week, you will be so blessed.

3. Do something crazy, spontaneous, and fun with Collin.

4. Buy that baby outfit, go ahead, buy it.

5. Stop, take a breath, look around you, take a mental picture, and savor the little sweet moments.

And then I wonder, what would the January 31, 2013 version of me, tell myself about this week? Probably the exact same things. I've decided that each week deserves to be treated as though a big change is on its way, and really every week I should tell myself those same five things. So here's to a patient, blessed, spontaneous, baby-filled, memory making week. Because just like 1 year ago, you never know what 6 days can bring.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday

2012-01-30T11:43:00.001-08:00

We had such a fun weekend. We got to spend time with great friends, and I got to do lots of playing with Nol. It was wonderful. But as great as it was I'm really excited for this week. I'm going to try and get a lot done and stay on top of things. Nothing like a fresh start and a new week!

Happy Monday!

Explain It To Me...

2012-01-25T05:29:00.001-08:00

Why is it, that on the day that I publicly declare on my blog that I will give love from my heart to other people, that the pure concept of giving anything to anybody is incredibly difficult? Let me present to you, yesterday, in a timeline format:

7:00-10:00 life is normal, good, and includes breakfast, baths, and naps
10:30-11:00 Nolan wakes up from a nap and I start dressing him for an outside adventure
11:00 I text the bus to see where it's at...it's 7 minutes away
11:03 we're frantically out the door, speed walking to the bus stop
11:07 we and the bus get to the bus stop at the exact same time, and there's room on the bus for us!
THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY!
11:25 we arrive at our 11:30 appointment, early, and feeling good
11:30 the other half of our appointment was nowhere to be found, I call them
11:35 since they didn't answer the 1st time, I call them again
11:40 try to go inside the building we're supposed to meet in...you have to have a code..I don't
11:45 call them again, no answer
11:50 try to focus on my blog about being kind, rather than focusing on how cold my baby must be
11:55 call them one more time, while searching for any building that looks like they'd let us in
12:00 still no answer, so we wander around The Salvation Army for ANOTHER 30 MINUTES
12:30 1 hour and 1 purchase later (14 shirts for $14 boo ya) they call
1:00 they're on their way
1:05 we do what we went for...preach the word of God, life is good again
2:00 Nol and I hop on a bus toward a new part of town for a social security number for Nol
2:30 we're called back, only to find out that my 2 forms of identification needed to be 3 forms
2:35 took Nolan out because he'd been in his stroller for 4 hours, only to find him soaking wet
2:40 took all of his clothes off (an entire bottle had spilled) he only wore a sweatshirt from then on
2:45 I'm feeling defeated as we get another bus and head towards Walmart
3:45 we make it to Walmart, buy wipes and other necessities
4:00 we finally head for home

The rest of the timeline is blurry but after we got home, I fed Nolan, put him in the bath, then he went #2 IN THE BATH. I thought about puking but there was no time for that. So I threw on an apron, took my naked baby out of the bath, scrubbed down the tub, put him back in, and watched him go #1 in the tub. It was awesome.

Then, I realized that I hadn't eaten since 9:00a.m. so I began thinking about dinner, knowing that Coll would be home soon, and hungry too. Then, Nolan and I stared out the window for 15 minutes until we saw Daddy walking up the street.

He made it to the front door, and handed me flowers. The best part? He didn't even know my day had been rough. I melted into his arms, he took us both in, gave us good squeezes, put Nolan to bed, and came to the kitchen (he only had to walk like 3 steps). Then we made breakfast for dinner (thanks for the idea, Mom). Nothing had ever tasted so good. We enjoyed a few good moments over pancakes and eggs, then real life kicked back in for Collin and he started in on some homework.

I wasn't quite ready for real life to kick back in yet, so I took the flowers he'd given me, some holiday candles from last year's post-Chirstmas sale, and some bath salts from my visiting teachers, then I decorated the tub, turned on an episode of Hoarders, and forgot about the day.

Next time I promise to be kind to others, I'm not going to publicly announce it. I think the whole world heard my idea and said, "We'll show you, Ashlee." :)

Actually everything could have been much worse.

We only had to watch 1 bus go by because there wasn't room for us. And considering how many buses we took, that's a miracle.

Everybody on the bus was always so sweet.

Even though she couldn't issue an SS # for Nolan, the woman that helped us was so nice

Though Nolan went a few hours without warm clothes, his stroller kept him nice and warm

I got to share the word of God with people!

My mom (as she always does) made everything better and helped talk me through dinner time and feeding my family

Collin showed up with flowers. Enough said.

Life is really good, and I know that. And I suppose, sometimes it just takes a crazy day to realize just how good the good days are. :)

I hope your Tuesday was less hectic than mine, and here's to a great Wednesday for all of us.

Happy Wednesday!

The Weight Of My Heart

2012-01-24T05:23:00.000-08:00

For the past few days I have been thinking about the difference between a full heart and a heavy heart. In my mind, a full heart means I am so full of love, joy, happiness, and my heart is just so full of blessings it could burst. A heavy heart means I have a lot going on that's weighing me down, perhaps things that are sad or hard, and that makes my heart heavy.

And then it dawned on me...for something to be heavy, it usually has to be full.

And so it is with our hearts. I've been feeling terribly sad for others lately. Especially those who I love and care for deeply who want children so badly, but can't have them. And it seems like the number of people I love who can't have children is ever growing, and that, for sure, makes my heart heavy. But it's heavy because my heart is so full of love and concern for them, and I don't think you can have one without the other.

So when your heart is feeling heavy, just remember that it's because you're the kind of person who doesn't just have a heavy heart, but a full heart. Full of love, compassion, the desire to serve and help others, and maybe the only way to lighten a heavy heart is to empty it out a little. Give some of that love to those around you. Share some of the compassion of your heart. And hopefully as we all gave some of our full heart to others, some of our heavy heart will be lightened.

The truth is that I think about YOU a lot. You the mother with a few kids who was just told she can't have any more. The mother with no children who wants them desperately. The mother who has had failed adoption attempts and doesn't know where to go from here. The mother who has had failed fertility treatment attempts and wants to give up. I think about you all the time. And my heart is heavy with the thought of your pain, because I know exactly how you feel. But I want you to know that my heart is heavy for you, and my heart is full because of you. I may not know you, but I care about each of you, and I know you can do it. I know it.

Empty some of your full heart on somebody today, and see if your heavy heart feels lighter. I'm going to.

Happy Tuesday.

A Silly Weekend

2012-01-23T05:05:00.000-08:00

We had such a marvelous weekend. Collin's Saturday class was canceled (due to the snow) so we had all day Saturday at home together, just the 3 of us. Then church on Sunday was fantastic, and we got to have more family time Sunday too. It was just awesome.

In the midst of all the awesome, I noticed a few silly things around our house.

PICTURE 1:

a. A top heavy book shelf with books only on the shelves Nolan can't reach. It looks silly but it's the only way to go these days.
b. All the quilts/towels hung over Nolan's crib. If he's trying to sleep and catches even the slightest glimpse of us, it's over. It works, but it's silly.

PICTURE 2 and 3:
a. We were having friends over and I felt a real need for a centerpiece. It was too late (and too cold) to go get flowers, so we made a bouquet of snowflakes. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It turned out to be just plain ol' silly.

b. A blender by our bed? Well with Nolan's crib being in our front room, if Collin and I want to have a milkshake after the little sweetheart goes to bed, we have to blend it up behind closed doors, and other than the bathroom, we only have one option. So a blender by the bed it is! Silly.

PICTURE 4:
A classic softball shirt that I'm sure somebody from my home town wore in the 70's. And to top it off, my middle school and high school mascot was the ELKS. AWESOME!!! And a little silly.

PICTURE 5:
This little man is the silliest of all the silly things in our house. He's an absolute delight and full of so much spirit and love, and he has the best little sense of humor. He's so fun, so silly, and we love him so so much.

I hope your weekend was relaxing, fun, and a little silly too!

Happy Monday!

Nolan Kissing Mommy

2012-01-20T16:22:00.000-08:00

The other day, while Collin was at school Nolan and I were looking out the window (his new favorite activity). I was sitting on the couch, Nolan was standing. Then out of nowhere, he looked over at me and laid a big ol' kiss right on my lips! I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Sweetest thing ever! So, naturally I tested the waters. Every time he'd look at me, I'd pucker up. And he'd kiss me every time! When Daddy's home, Nolan has no kisses for me, so this was a big deal. I had to video it, to prove to Collin that Nolan does give me kisses sometimes! Oh how I love that little boy. He's just pretty much the coolest person I've ever met. Besides his daddy of course.

Happy, happy, happy Friday!

Purging Thoughts of Infertility

2012-01-19T05:52:00.001-08:00

{Sometimes when Daddy's in charge of getting Nolan dressed, Daddy gets pants on his head, and Nolan becomes a gangster. And why not I ask? Why the heck not!}

Is it Thursday already? That came really fast.
Thursdays are my cleaning day.
I do laundry, sweeping, mopping, bathroom scrubbing,
kitchen organizing, rug shaking, and a whole lot more.
I like doing it on Thursday because then
I have the whole weekend to do other things
without having to worry about how clean my house is.

I've been thinking about cleanliness a lot lately. {Maybe it's all those episodes of Hoarders I've been watching?} The thought of being clean is such an individual thing. Being clean means something different to me than it does to you. And I think in most cases that's probably a good thing. We do, after all, get way too caught up in what other people think of us, at least I do. And though I fully support each of us enjoying our own definitions of things, and living our lives the way we feel is right, without pouring our opinions onto each other, sometimes it's nice to all agree.

And one thing I think we can all agree on, is that sometimes a clean start is exactly what we need. Especially when dealing with infertility. Infertility can be a trap, a pit of despair that is terribly hard to climb out of. Infertility can grab you, pull you down, and it can take a lifetime to get back up. But I wonder what would happen if we all took a minute, thinking about our infertility, and gave ourselves a clean start. What if we:

mopped up our preexisting ideas about infertility and organized some new ideas to think about

scrubbed down our sadness and gave ourselves a shiny new perspective

took out our infertility garbage and gave ourselves a clean container to store happy thoughts

It's not easy to start fresh, especially when you're engulfed in something that can feel so rotten, but for me, today (and after a long, sweet talk with my sweetheart last night about what lies ahead of us as far as more children goes) I'm going to purge some of my unhealthy ideas right along with my leftovers today.

While I give my home the attention it deserves today, I'm going to give me some of that attention too. I'm going to open my mind to things I haven't let myself think about. I'm going to consider options I've never considered before. And I'm going to clean my infertility slate and hopefully gain a new understanding of what The Lord would have me know about our infertility and what happens next.

Happy Cleaning Day Thursday

Mama's Bread

2012-01-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

Nolan got his first taste of his mama's homemade bread this weekend
and I think he liked it.
The floor got a good taste of it too. :)

Nolan is just learning and growing so much.
We were talking the other day about what if we could learn as quickly and retain as much as adults as we could as kids.
Our brains would just explode! It's so incredible.
I have so much to learn from him, it's such an honor to be his mommy. Life is good.

Happy Tuesday!

Happy Monday

2012-01-15T15:55:00.000-08:00

Some people say gas stoves are better because you can control the temperature, or because it sautes better. But really, gas stoves are better because you can roast marshmallows on them.

We had such a fun weekend spending time with friends, seeing the beautiful snow everywhere, and making late night S'mores. I hope your weekend was wonderful!

Happy Monday!

Yesterday and Today

2012-01-13T05:35:00.000-08:00

{bottom teeth}

{top teeth}

Yesterday I
cleaned the whole house
including 3 closets (woo hoo!)
scrubbed my bathroom
swept and mopped everything
did all the laundry
played with Nolan
had a dinner date with Collin (we had 2 grilled-cheeses and 1 bowl of soup, yum)

I feel really ready for the weekend now.
This weekend we plan on
staying in a lot because there is so much beautiful snow outside
having dinner with fun new friends
having brunch with our cute neighbors
going to church
making homemade bread and cinnamon rolls
watching Nolan's 2 top teeth continue to poke through (that's a total of 4)

Here's to a productive week and a happy weekend.
Stay safe and warm!

Happy Friday!

A Friend Reunion

2012-01-12T05:15:00.000-08:00

When we were in Arizona we got to visit with some of my dearest friends from high school. It was so good to see them, to catch up, and to just be together.

These are people I shared everything with. We had sleepovers, drove thousands of miles, sang, played soccer, ditched classes, watched hours of American Idol, played pool, and ate lots of food together. These are also some of the people who I've laughed the hardest with, and cried the most with. I love these guys. It was so good to see them.

I'm so grateful for my friends.

Thanks Jordan, Hilary, Jayde, Ryne, Tami, Blake, and Breinn.
We love you!

Back In Time

2012-01-11T06:57:00.000-08:00

This week I've been reading some of the things I wrote on this blog a year ago. It was a time in our lives when we were really trying to eat right, to get healthy, to ovulate, and to get pregnant. Sometimes I was gun-ho, happy, and motivated to get my health in order. Sometimes I was sad, down in the dumps, and feeling like I'd never be a mother. What I didn't know this time a year ago is that in less than 1 month we'd get the greatest e-mail either of us had ever seen. In less than one month we'd 'meet' Makenzie, and our lives would change forever, for the better. I had NO idea what was coming and so I was dwelling on the here, the now, and the sad.

As I've read and re-read about those feelings and moments in my life, I've learned something.

I've learned that sometimes when life is the hardest, it's because something beautiful is right around the corner.

I've learned that sometimes we have to put in a little extra hard work to show ourselves, others, and God that we are ready and willing to do whatever it takes, in when we do that, God sees and hears us, and always blesses us for our efforts.

I've learned that it's okay to have hard days, and sad days, just as it's great to have upbeat days and proactive days. Both can be productive.

And I've learned that when life seems impossible, if we just push a little harder, endure a little better, and last a little longer, a door will open.

I can't believe it's been nearly a year since we first met Makenzie. I'm going to spend this month revisiting that time in our lives to pay tribute and to celebrate the most amazing experience we've ever had. To celebrate Makenzie and the incredible strength she has. To celebrate adoption and the miracle it is. To celebrate Nolan and the blessing he is in our lives. To celebrate Collin and the supportive, and incredible man he is for taking such good care of me before and after. And to celebrate our little family of 3.

Miracles happen.

Day At The Park

2012-01-10T04:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after Daddy got home from school we headed for the park. It was freezing cold so we didn't stay too long, but we sure had fun while it lasted. I can't get enough of my boys.

Happy Tuesday!

Is Just To Love

2012-01-09T05:04:00.000-08:00

For Christmas Coll's sweet parents gave us a turn table. I got butterflies when I opened it and saw what it was. Sometimes I get so caught up in the ins and outs of every day life that I forget how much music means to me. In fact, there's a spot in my heart labeled "music" and nothing else in the whole world can fill that spot...it's purely reserved for music. And I like that. So the record player was such a dreamy gift. And what's even dreamier is that we live just down the street from the greatest little record store ever. So we took a walk yesterday and picked up some classics to play on our new record player. We couldn't wait to get it all home and fill our tiny little apartment with that crinkly, pure, original sound. And believe you me, our little turn table did not disappoint.

There's nothing better than hearing Nat King Cole's Nature Boy in my own house, from a record, with pops and cracks that sound like rain drops. Oh, and Nolan likes it too. Aretha Franklin has sung him to sleep for the past 3 nights. We're in love.

**My favorite rendition of 'Nature Boy' EVER can be found here.

Happy Monday!!

Thank you all for your kind words on my last post. Sometimes a girl needs to reboot, and having kind people like you in my life is such a joy and pleasure and one that I hope to 1. return and 2. never take for granted. Thank you. A million times.

Within My Heart

2012-01-04T16:28:00.000-08:00

I've read before that a good blogger never blogs about blogging. That being said, I'm willing to sacrifice any inner hope I ever had of being a good blogger to say that in my heart, I desire to be a better blogger. This blog has been so incredibly therapeutic for me, and has brought me to meet, both virtually and physically, so many of you, whom I consider dear friends. But you probably didn't even know I consider you dear friends because when I'm in town I don't call, and when I read your blogs I don't comment. Within my heart, I want to be a better friend too.

Growing up I had the world's best friend. She was also my 1st cousin so we were shoo ins to win the best friends ever award. And it was easy being her friend (I'm feeling a deja vu feeling right now, which means I've probably already blogged about this, and if so, forgive me). Because I had a built-in best friend, I've often felt like my friend-making skills never fully were developed and since I genuinely enjoy spending one-on-one time with my husband, so many nights are spent at home, the 2 of us, sometimes Skyping with said best friend, and usually watching a movie on the couch, feeling perfectly comfortable and content. But friends are important, and I know that. Making new friends is such a good idea!

This turned into a rambling of current feelings I've been harboring, and I guess what it boils down to is this...

In 2012, along with my One-Word Goals, I want to:
Be A Better Blogger
Be A Better Friend

And since good bloggers don't blog about blogging, I better get all of my blogging talk done in one blog so I never have to be a bad blogger again. :) (Please sense my facetiousness.)

This blog started as a way for me to anonymously discuss my feelings and experiences with infertility. Then I concluded that anonymity wasn't feeling right because 1. I don't like secrets and 2. I had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. So then the blog was about me, and my infertility. Then, a lot of other cool things happened, and I wanted to share them on this blog, even though they didn't have anything to do with infertility. So this blog became about me, my infertility, and my life. Then I went back and forth about 100 times about the purpose of this blog. Should it just be about infertility? Should it talk about my baby or is that too mean to those who don't have children yet? Should I accept sponsors? Should I advertise on others' blogs? And after all of these questions...I still don't have any answers. Sometimes I think I have answers, but then I just end up changing my mind.

So I guess what I've decided is that myspoiledeggs feels like home to me. And for now it is what it is. A place for me to talk about everything, including infertility, Nolan, and other stuff. And I don't have a clear view or answer as to what exactly this blog should or shouldn't be about, so for now it's just going to be.

I think I'm trying to lower my expectations, and get back to blogging for the love of it, and not to try to be as cool as the really cool people in the world. Because I'm just me, and this is just my blog, and right now, I'm okay with that.

(This is where I'd normally apologize for ranting, and talk about how awkward this post might be for some people to read. This is also where I'd congratulate anybody who actually read the whole thing. But instead of doing all of that, I'm going to skip the apologies and feel good about expressing my feelings, and not feeling pressure by what others may or may not think. In other words, the end. :)

Happy Wednesday!!

2012 New Year Goals

2011-12-28T05:44:00.000-08:00

All I Want For Christmas Is....

2011-12-27T16:18:00.000-08:00

...one front tooth.

{Nolan's first little tooth poking through on the bottom right (his left)}
Grandma was rocking Nolan this morning and said, "Nolan has a surprise for you!"
To be honest I thought she meant he had a dirty diaper.
A little tiny tooth nub was so much better of a surprise!

Happy Tuesday!

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-26T19:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas Day Highlights Included:

Nolan getting a book (his favorite!) from his Grandma and Papa.

Nol getting his very own cell phone to suck on (no longer will cell-phone sucking be at the expense of Daddy's phone) thanks Aunt Sarah and Uncle Dub!

Having our very first Christmas as a family of 3.

We had such a wonderful Christmas. Though it was a little different than normal to have Christmas on a Sunday, I thought it was totally cool to go to church on Christmas. That is, after all, the whole point. :) We got up early, watched the kids open their gifts from Santa, and then we all got dressed and ready for church. My mom is the choir director and the whole church meeting consisted of musical wonders from her choir. It was magical. Then we came home and opened gifts from each other. Our family theme for gift giving this year was "food storage". There were a lot of quick oats around these parts on Christmas day!

It was perfect being here with family. It was a true white Christmas, and life really, was perfect for a day!

I hope your day was merry and bright as well.

Happy Monday!

Christmas Card 2011

2011-12-14T05:55:00.000-08:00

The outtake

Third place

Second place

The winner (long monkey arm and all)

We had fun setting up the automatic timer and snapping some family pictures for our Christmas card. Are you sending out Christmas cards this year? We ended up only sending out a few because as it turns out, going home for Christmas takes more work than I imagined! But we are so excited!

Merry Wednesday!

25 Days-Day 9

2011-12-13T05:46:00.000-08:00

We've been doing The 25 Days of Christmas religiously and it has been so. much. fun.

One of my favorite days so far was day day 9. The card read:

"You better bundle up because it is going to be a White Christmas.
What else would you do on a winter's day, but go ICE SKATING in the park!
Come on, let's go!
Enjoy this merry day!"
So bundle up we did, and off we went to the rink.

We had such a good time. Thanks Love!

Merry Tuesday!

Happy Birthday to my Collin

2011-12-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my sweetheart's birthday, but being that I don't blog on Sunday, and I'm not organized enough to be ahead of schedule, I'm just getting to write about it this morning! This guy makes my life so much fun. He keeps me on my toes and keeps me grounded at the same time. And never, ever, does he cease to surprise me. Like the morning these pictures were taken. It was our first real Chicago snow, and we had a hankering for something from the bakery up the road, so he offered to go get a pastry or 2. In his shorts. Awesome!

Last night, after a fun day of birthday festivities (including: unwrapping warm winter gifts, going to church with Donny Osmond, watching football, having friends over for dinner, and having ice cream in bed) we knelt down to say our evening couple prayers. Collin was praying and he said something like,

"I'm grateful for this day we've had to have fun and remember when I was born"

and because neither of us remember when he was born, it gave me the giggles. We were able to compose ourselves and finish the prayer in a pretty reverent manner, but the fact that he still makes me laugh every day, and that he's fun, righteous, and a good man, are just a few reasons why (though I don't remember it) I'm glad he was born.

Happy Birthday yesterday, Lovey!

-Ash

Merry Monday!!!

A Beautiful Success Story

2011-12-02T14:05:00.001-08:00

Kristin e-mailed me earlier this week with their success story and I have been dying to share it with you. Such a clever way to share an awesome journey and phenomenal news. Thanks Kristin, and congrats a million times over!

Eventually from Lilly McDowell on Vimeo.

Happy Friday!

Traditions and a Birthday Wish

2011-12-01T06:38:00.000-08:00

I am soooo excited to spend the holidays with this little guy this year. I have a feeling he will make everything mean so much more.

{Nolan with his reindeer antlers bringing in the season}

Yesterday was one of those days.

Nothing catastrophic or anything with eternal consequences happened, it was just a conglomeration of a bunch of small mishaps and it put me in a cranky mood.

I, as I far too often do, took it out on my husband.

I had a meeting to attend and so I left Nolan to be cared for by his daddy and I left the house feeling frustrated, gloomy, and so not in the Christmas spirit.

My meeting was rejuvenating and motivating and I had a lot of time to think on the bus ride home, so I decided to come home, change my attitude, show Collin all of my gratitude, and be a better wife.

I was going to do something sweet and considerate to show him how much he meant to me.
But guess what, he beat me to it. He's so awesome. When I got home I found this:

a note telling me about our family's 25 days of Christmas and to look, each morning, on the fireplace to find a new stocking every day filled with a new Christmas-themed activity for our family to do. I was sooo excited, but then I realized...wait...we don't have a fireplace. That's when I saw the magic.

Collin made us a fire place complete with a string to hang the stockings, Christmas lights, a log to burn, and awesome pictures of our son with sweet Christmas hats atop the mantle. And while I was seeing all of this for the first time, Collin was standing in the kitchen doing dishes.

My heart was so full of love, gratitude, and awe for the man I married. I'm so grateful for him in my life and so grateful to have him be my favorite part of everything. Especially the holidays. I think the Smith Family 25 Days of Christmas will be a new tradition for our family.

Speaking of traditions, we had our annual December 1st breakfast for dinner this morning, which means we had breakfast for breakfast because Collin will be at school til forever tonight.

I'm loving all of these traditions, the spirit of Christmas, forgiving hearts, and the love in the air. Welcome December, and welcome Christmas.

What? Longest blog post ever, you say? Well hold on to your britches folks because this blog post if fixin' to get even longer!

Today marks 24 years of having the world's best friend. Markee is incredible. She teaches me so much about patience, unconditional love, endurance, motherhood, forgiveness, and a good attitude. Mark, happy stinking birthday!!! I love you!

See Markee's 2008, 2009, and 2010 birthday post.

Wow. That was a lot for a Thursday!

Happy almost weekend!

A Spoiled Eggs Thanksgiving

2011-11-30T06:45:00.001-08:00

Our Thanksgiving this year was so fun, super low key, and delish. We invited a few friends from Collin's school over for dinner, and they were from other countries, so I didn't feel any pressure to put on the perfect Thanksgiving because I was hoping they wouldn't know the difference! Then, some of our dearest friends missed their flight to spend Thanksgiving with family elsewhere, which was a huge bummer for them, but so exciting for us because we got to have them over for dinner, except then the pressure was on! I had to make a good, real, authentic, Thanksgiving dinner with no margin for error! There were definitely errors, but that's the best thing about friends, they don't care and they love you anyway. We had a great day.

Highlights included:
Nolan trying mashed potatoes for the first time.

Playing English word games with our 'foreign' friends, and later looking back on that and realizing that maybe Catch Phrase with the guys who just learned English wasn't the best choice. :)

Having way too much food.

Collin looking handsome, as always.

Being together with friends.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

2011-11-28T10:36:00.001-08:00

My daddy had a birthday last week. One thing I love about birthdays is it's a perfect excuse to think about how much you love a person and all the good things about them for a whole day. Here are the top ten reasons why my dad is awesome.
1. He smells good.
2. He is so, so, so considerate.
3. He is one of the funniest people I know.
4. He treats my mom like a princess.
5. He tot me proper english and clears his throte when I don't speak good.
6. He was willing to take a photo with Dora, Diego, and me.
7. He makes up awesome words.
8. He compliments me or tells me he loves me every time we talk.
9. People think he is Hispanic but he's totally white.
10. He's such a good, hardworking, humble, forgiving, loving man.

I am so glad he's my daddy. Happy birthday, Dad!

Shucking and Silking

2011-11-22T13:54:00.000-08:00

Today, the outside of my house looked like this

and inside of my house things looked like this

so I found it to be a perfect time to prep my favorite Thanksgiving side dish.

Growing up, one day a year (if we were lucky, sometimes it took 2 days) my family including my grandparents, aunts, uncles, my parents, my brothers and I would all gather at The Farm to harvest the corn my grandpa had grown in his football field-sized garden. This was a sacred time of year for me. We were all there, with one purpose, working together, each with our own job, to get something done that we'd all benefit from for a whole year. Grandpa and a few boys would go to the garden and pick the ready ears of corn, and in an assembly line-ish way, bring the corn to the other boys who would then shuck ear after ear of fresh, golden corn. Then those boys would send the corn over to the young girls who would "silk" the corn and make sure none of that hairy stuff was left on the corn! The girls would then send the corn to my dad and my Uncle Gary who would boil the corn in a huge pot of boiling water, and then immediately give the corn a cold bath in an ice-cold trough full of water. Then one lucky kid (who didn't have to shuck or silk) got to wheel the blanched corn to the garage where Mom, Aunt Lena, and Grandma sat, patiently waiting. This was perhaps the most sacred part of all for me. Three of my women-heroes sat, wearing old, worn, used, aprons, chatting about the ins and outs of their days, the town, the gospel, and anything else. Grandma would get after us kids if the ears weren't silked enough and she'd get after her girls if they weren't milking the cobs hard enough. One year she took over the milking and if I remember correctly, used a cheese-grater to get every last drop of milk out of those cobs. I think the cheese-grater became a tradition. It was always my hope and dream to be big and old enough to get to cut the corn off the cob, and dare I even imagine being the one to milk the cob. I would have given ANYTHING. Ultimately, all that corn from the garden was bagged and frozen, to be enjoyed year 'round. And the day when most of that corn was consumed? Thanksgiving for sure. Well, besides one Thanksgiving while in college, this is my first Thanksgiving not spent with any of our family, and I was feeling homesick for family, and for corn. So all morning I spent trying to reenact the Sherwood corn harvest in my own kitchen. I laughed at myself, I cried. I cried missing my Grandma. I cried over the smell and what the smell of cooked corn coming off the cob represents to me. And in the end, I came out with a meager amount of corn to be served on Thursday, but that corn will mean more to me than anybody else at the table, and hopefully it will make me feel a little closer to home. Today, I am thankful for family, for memories, for traditions, and for corn.

Shucking and silking.

Waiting for the water to boil, then throwing the corn in the pot.

Bringing the corn back to a boil and then giving it a cold bath.

Cutting the corn off the cob and milking every last drop from each ear.

The finished product.

Happy Tuesday.

Nolan 6-Months

2011-11-21T07:28:00.001-08:00

I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Dad Saints, or sometimes better known as a Mormon. One of my strongest beliefs is that Jesus Christ was sent by His Father, to Earth to perform the Atonement, which makes my life happy every single day. Sometimes that is a HUGE thing to comprehend. The fact that A Father would and could send His Son somewhere else, for the good of other people is no doubt the greatest miracle of all.

The other day I was really trying to wrap my brain around the Atonement. Really trying to comprehend it and incorporate it into my life in an even deeper way than I had before. But I just kept getting stuck on how big and amazing it is, and my small, earthly, mortal brain wasn't getting it. Just then little Nolan made noise in the other room. So I rushed in, took one look at him, and fell in love with his big eyes and rosy cheeks for the 1,000,000th time. Then it hit me.

Six months ago, Nolan's birth-mom, Makenzie made a similar decision as our Heavenly Father made, to send her son far away for the good of other people. She made the selfless decision for the good of Nolan, and it in turn was for the good of my little family. In that moment the Atonement became more real to me. A selfless act. A loving parent. Pain mixed with joy. The ultimate sacrifice. Miracle. I will never understand how Heavenly Father must have felt, watching His Son leave for Earth knowing full well what was to come. And I'll never understand how Makenzie felt, as we stood in the hospital, holding the child she had just born, as she walked away. But I do know that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can all be happy, and I do know that because of Makenzie's selfless decision, I've never been happier than I am right now.

These past 6 months with my little Nolan have been full of love, laughter, learning, growing, and full of happiness.

Today, on this Thanksgiving week, I am thankful for the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ and for His Father, and my Heavenly Father for sending his Son. And today, on this Thanksgiving week, I am thankful for Makenzie, a beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, selfless, birth-mom, for sending Nolan to us.

Happy 6 Months little man.

And Happy Monday.

Photo by Tiffany Rebecca Photography (visit her facebook and go here for her website).

Feeling Like Myself Again

2011-11-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

If you can believe it, right after we got home from vacation, Nolan and I turned right around and went back to Arizona for the funeral of one of my dearest friends. (I will write more on that when I feel up to it.) When we got back, I had 91 items in my Google Reader to catch up on. One of my favorite things out of all 91 was this article by Danielle on Hello Giggles. She talks about something that rings so true to me; feeling like myself again.

I don\'t think I\'ve felt like myself in a really, really long time and I feel like it\'s time for me to get back on track. Danielle talks about getting back in the groove after having a baby, but for me, I haven\'t been in the groove since we found out we couldn\'t have a baby. So whatever you\'re going through, (infertility, pregnancy, motherhood) I think the idea of getting back in the groove and finding yourself again is a worthy goal.

In conjunction with Danielle\'s 3 steps to getting back in the groove, I chose to start today with step #1: Get Ready (Almost) Every Single Day. Today I got up, fed, bathed, and snuggled Nolan, put him down for a nap, exercised, showered, and got ready for the day. I went with red, white, and blue in honor of Veterans Day. And you know what? It feels good to be dressed, ready, and confident for whatever this day brings. Here\'s to Day 1 of feeling like me again.

Happy Friday and a genuine thank you to those who have fought, will fight, and currently fight for the sake of our country and our freedom.

It's Important to Note..

2011-11-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

...that I went to Arizona bearing only my amateur cell phone and my Ipad as means to take photos. It's also important to note that in the spirit of having much to do, editing pictures did not make it to the top of my list. So, you are about to view some crappy pictures of some great people!

******************************

After our time in Eagar, my brother drove Nol and me down to Mesa where we got to see a bunch more family. We spent time at the state fair (my first time, and hopefully not my last), we ate at a few of my favorite restaurants that I've been missing since we moved to Chicago, we visiting Grandpa Tom, we got spoiled by Grandma and Grandpa, and we took silly pictures. It was truly one of the best weeks of my life and I could never say 'thank you' enough times! Thanks to those who made is possible for us to come, and thanks to those who took time out to come visit us while we were in town. We love you!

Happy Wednesday!

Otherwise

2011-10-31T17:09:00.000-07:00

About 3 weeks ago my mother in law (otherwise known as Mamita) called and told me that she and my father in law (otherwise known as Papito) would like to fly me to Arizona for my mid-October birthday. I was soooo super excited. I booked my flight the next day, and decided not to tell my parents that Nolan and I were coming. The flight was trech (otherwise known as treacherous), but the rest of the trip was magical. Until the flight home. But let's focus on the middle part. My brother (otherwise known as Dub) picked me up from the airport and drove us straight to my hometown (otherwise known as Eagar). We went right to my aunt's house (otherwise known as Aunt Lena) and Nolan and I got in her big ol' honkin' van (otherwise known as the land barge). Then Dub went to my parents' house (they were expecting him) and distracted my mom (otherwise known as Mommy) while Aunt Lena put Nolan in a cardboard box on my mom's front porch. I stayed behind the land barge to film the whole thing and Aunt Lena went in my mom's house to tell her there was a package on the porch for her. My mother was completely unsuspecting and here's the video, in 2 parts, to prove it:

It's okay that I looked exactly like I had flown cross-country and then driven in a car for 4 hours without food, without going to the bathroom, and with a baby. :) It's also okay that my finger was in half of the shots.

Then my Aunt Lena called my dad (otherwise known as Daddy, or Bob, either is fine) and told him that my mom was super sick (this was partly true) and that he needed to come home immediately. He did so, and here is what happened next:

And yes, "You little poop in the ditch" is a phrase of the absolute most endearment in our family. I was touched.

It was so fun to surprise my parents. And a special thanks to Aunt Lena, Dub, Dub's awesome wife (otherwise known as Sarah) for letting him go to Eagar a lot, and of course to Mamita and Papito for making it happen.

Next up, Part 2 of my trip: Mesa.

Oh and Happy Halloween!

P.S. After having recently re-watched these videos, I am annoyed at my own baby-talk voice. It's okay if you're annoyed by it too. Poor Nolan!

You May Have Noticed

2011-10-28T09:40:00.001-07:00

We've been gone for a while.
When Nolan and I got home, Daddy had hung these signs for us.
It made us feel special, and oh so glad to be home.
It also feels good to be back in blog-land again.
There's no place like home!
Happy weekend and I can't wait to update you on all that has happened!

Happy Friday!

Goals For This Week

2011-10-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

A few days ago Nolan had some food on his hands after dinner and so Collin took him over to the sink to wash him up. I was doing something on the computer and not paying much attention at all. But soon, I realized that the water was still running and that Nolan's hands should be plenty clean by now. I looked over to my sink and saw Nolan's pants getting DRENCHED. I immediately barked "Collin, his pants are getting wet" and Collin replied with "I know, and he's having fun". I was so confused that Nolan's pants were soaking wet and that Collin knew about it and wasn't preventing it, so I repeated, "No but his pants are really wet honey" and then Collin said, "then we'll put them in the washing machine when we're done!"

All of a sudden I snapped out of organized/strict/clean/boring Mom and with Collin's help realized that sometime you just have to get your pants wet, because you can always throw them in the wash.

I think sometimes I get so caught up in how things are supposed to be that I forget to have fun and play. This was especially true for me when it came to infertility. I was so caught up in not having a baby that I sometimes forgot to play with the kids that were around me, and I forgot that my husband is the biggest kid of all and playing with him makes anything better.

This week I'm going to try to let go of the things that are supposed to be and I'm going to try to let loose, have more fun, and remember that at the end of the day, it can all be thrown in the wash.

Happy Monday!

Happy Birthday To My Mom

2011-10-14T06:25:00.000-07:00

I took a one-week hiatus from blogging. Not that it hasn't happened before, but this time it was on purpose. And it felt good. Sometimes you just need a break! But I interrupt my break to wish my incredible mom a happy birthday.

When Collin and I first got our 'infertile' news, we processed it together as a couple, and made a game plan, and the very next thing I did was call my mom. She and my dad had been given the exact same news years earlier and I knew if anybody knew what I was feeling, she did. I don't know what I was expecting from that phone call, but she gave me more than I could have ever hoped for. She gave me the encouragement to put my best foot forward and to move on with faith. Between that advice and my dad's plan B advice, our lives have been a lot happier than I ever thought they could be.

My mom is a beautiful lady and I'm so blessed to have her in my life. Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!

For another tribute to my mom, go here.

Happy Friday!

Where Did The Week Go?

2011-10-07T10:43:00.001-07:00

I really can not believe it's already Friday. I don't know where the days have gone. I talked about a talk that I loved during General Conference and I think you might like it too. Especially the end part. I know it's true, everything he says. I know it's true. Watch if you'd like. I think you'll be happy if you do.

I know nobody cares by now what we did last weekend while we watched this amazing talk and others, but here I go...documenting for posterity's sake.

We learned how to get on the OTHER side of our crib bumper...that little rascal!

We had Tour of Italy-de Ashlee: chicken parmesan, chicken alfredo, yummy salad, and bread

We made yummy cinnemon rolls and delivered them to our neighbors

And justified all of that yummy food by saying that we had a lot of fruit too...it may have been dipped in cream cheese and marshmallow cream, but whatever!

Last weekend was great, and I hope this weekend is just as great!

Happy Weekend everyone!

Infertilty Does Not Mean...

2011-10-03T08:09:00.001-07:00

It's definitely a teething toy, Ipod, binki, left over cinnamon roll and hot chocolate kind of morning at our house. And no, we don't own mugs in our house, so I take my cocoa in a florescent green kids cup, please and thank you.

We had a good weekend, and for me, it was filled with lots of reflection, and remembering. I found myself thinking about infertility more than I have, probably since little Nolan was born. I thought about what infertility means for me, as a mother. In my life, infertility means I may never know what it's like to carry a child in my womb. And in my life, infertility means I may never know what it's like to give birth. But infertility does not own me, and infertility does not mean I will never be a mother. And infertility doesn't mean you will never be a mother either.

Infertility does not mean I can't be happy.
Infertility does not mean I won't be able to love.
Infertility does not mean my life will be full of heartache.
Infertility does not mean I am incapable of anything.
Infertility does not mean I am worthless.
Infertility does not mean I am less than anybody else.
Infertility does not mean I am not a mother.

There was an incredible talk given at General Conference this weekend. I will share it with you all later in the week, even though I'm sure lots of you already heard it. It was marvelous and just reminded me that there are lots of ways to be a mother. I'm so grateful for little Nolan in our lives. He's proof to me that miracles happen and that infertility does not mean you will never be a mother.

Happy Monday!

Weekend

2011-09-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

Things we did this week:
laundry
rode the subway
went to Nolan's 4 month check up
went on lots of walks
made cookies

Things on the agenda for this weekend:
get my zipcard (hopefully!)
take a trip to Target
pick up a craigslist find for my living room

And what I'm most excited for this weekend is watching General Conference . The words spoken, the messages shared, and the principles taught in General Conference have helped me cope and move forward with infertility, time and time again. Whether you're Mormon or not, I encourage you to tune into General Conference and listen for messages about hope and faith.
While we watch general conference we'll be snuggling and making lots of treats and yummy food.

Treats and food on the agenda include:
fruit and fruit dip
cinnamon rolls
ginger snaps
mock Cafe Rio salad
bread sticks and soup

What are your weekend plans?

Happy Friday!

Oh, and one more item on the weekend agenda....

baby proofing the house!!!

Success Stories #2

2011-09-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

I received some feedback on Success Stories, most of which was positive, but I heard from a few people that reading the success stories will be hard because they haven't had their success yet. Oh how I remember those days of not knowing if success would ever be ours. But I've decided that we need hope, especially when we're so unsure and down in the dumps. So the Success Stories will continue, but I think it's important to recognize frustration and sadness too, so I will hopefully be coming up with a forum shortly in which we can support each other, including those who haven't seen the end of their success story yet! In the mean time here's Success Story #2.

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Joanna and her husband adopted their sweet daughter one year ago. Their adoption was international; their daughter is from China. She is so beautiful and when you visit Joanna's blog you will fall in love with sweet little M just as I did! Their success story is super unique and heart-warming. Their little girl has had many medical needs accompanied with lots of ups and downs, but in the end, their story is a success!

Please go read about their success story here, here, and here!

Thanks for sharing Joanna. You're all an inspiration!

Tuesday-Happy Things #2

2011-09-27T07:48:00.000-07:00

1. A visit from cousins Rande and Mike yesterday
2. The rainy weather outside
3. Not having to leave my house until Thursday
4. Finally getting around to putting the finishes on the nursery, living room, and our bedroom
5. Random and planned Skype dates with family
6. Finding new blogs to read
7. Jack Bauer
8. Morning naps with Nolan
9. Evening naps with Collin
10. GrubHub

Happiest of Tuesdays to you all!

Happy Friday!

2011-09-23T12:51:00.000-07:00

{blurry phone pic of Nolan}

I know I've been slacking this week in the blogging realm and as my brother so sensitively told me, "people hate you for it", which I hope is not true, but the truth is that I've had a really nice, relaxing week full of baby-time, deep cleaning, and rearranging furniture. It's kind of been a dream! But I'll be back on Monday, if you care. :) Happy, happy weekend! Do something fun!

Happy Friday!

The Weekend in Black and White

2011-09-19T06:48:00.000-07:00

You guys, this weekend was perfect. Really and truly. The weather was a dream. The company was just what I needed. And the Chicago LDS Temple was even more beautiful than I had imagined. My cousin, Eleece, and I went to the beach. We had Eleece and Tate, and Jill and Kenny over for dinner. I spent a therapeutic amount of time in the kitchen.

And Nolan trucked through a few more rounds of rice cereal. Bless his heart.

And see that little beauty that my un-photogenic bum is sitting on? Well that, my friends, is our new couch!

After nearly two months of playing, feeding, sleeping, and watching Jack Bauer fight terrorism on the floor, we finally have a couch!

I hope your weekend was just as great!
And a special congratulations to my cousins on their Big News!
Today on Ashlee loves Collin: it's a Happy Birthday to My Brother

Happy Monday!

Winner Announced and Happy Friday!

2011-09-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

Collin woke me up with a blueberry & banana smoothie this morning, and a happy baby to boot. It's going to be a good weekend. I hope yours is awesome as well! We'll be lounging about today, doing some cleaning and snacking. And tomorrow my cousins are coming to town, plus we get to go here. And Sunday should be a family-filled fun day too.

And our GIVEAWAY winner is Rebecca. Congrats! Be sure to e-mail me asap so we can coordinate your personalized note cards!

Happy Friday!

QandA #2

2011-09-15T07:29:00.001-07:00

Collin doesn't have school on Fridays (not to say he doesn't do school work, but still) so Thursdays have suddenly become my Fridays and I get those weekend butterflies in my tummy just thinking about date night and relaxing with my boys!

This week's question comes to us from Rebecca. She asked,

Here is a question I've had for a long time about adoption--what's the money situation like? How much money do you have to spend for the whole adoption process? Do you have to help pay hospital bills when the baby is born, or how does that work out?

This is a question I've been asked time and time again, and though talking about it makes me cringe just a tiny bit because nobody likes to put a price tag on something like a precious baby, it is still something that has to be answered!

Also, each case is TOTALLY different, and each agency is totally different, so I can only share what our experience was.

We went through LDS Family Services as our adoption agency. They require 10% of your annual income as the cost for adoption. Now that happens in steps, and not all at once. Let me try and outline it for you:

An initial fee of $1,000 is required upfront and that covers application fees, a place on the LDS Family Services website and other things I'm sure. To be honest I didn't look into what my $1000 was going to all that much. I was really excited to get the process started and didn't really care! Bad, I know. This fee is $1000 no matter how much money you make a year.

Then you finish paperwork, and play the waiting game. As soon as you've been PLACED with a baby, the remainder of your money is due.

So if you make $100,000 a year, your over-all adoption fee would be $10,000: $1,000 up front, and $9,000 at the time of placement.

Our 10% of our income covered every single thing; attorney fees, placement, getting filed with the court, home studies, etc.

I know that with lots of other agencies, adoptions are far more expensive, and some people will argue that the more expensive agencies process documents faster and you get what you pay for but we were incredibly pleased with LDS Family Services and how quick they were with everything, and how on the ball they were with our adoption.

Another thing to note is that adoption is tax deductible (also, I don't know my tax terms at all, so it might be a tax refund instead of a deductible. I'm really showing my ignorance, and I should have had Collin write this post!)

I hope this answered your question, and if anybody out there has more information, or wants to share about their adoption expenses with another agency, please do so in the comments! We'd love to hear from you!

I just want to stress again that adoption is not about the price tag, and we did not adopt for the tax break!! But this is all logistic stuff that people need to know, so I hope it helped!

And as always, if you have a question you'd like answered, e-mail me at {myspoiledeggs@gmail.com} with the subject line QUESTION.

Happy Thursday!

Happy Wednesday

2011-09-14T08:18:00.000-07:00

{Blurry picture, say whaaa? Don't bother clicking on it, it doesn't get any clearer. You're welcome.}

Hi Spoiled Eggs buddies!

My most sincere apologies for being absent these last few days. I swore up and down I'd never, EVER be one of "those" moms that complains about late nights, no sleep, teething babies, and long days, because for the last 4 years I dreamed of those things! And so I won't complain about them, but I will tell you that they exist, and I'm in the middle of them, and some days blogging ends up at the bottom of the list, and holding, snuggling, and trying to stay in one piece stays near the top. :)

Thanks so much to all of you who so kindly entered the giveaway, as not to have my feelings hurt for giving away something homemade. Especially you, Shadow, because I love you! We won't even discuss how 90% of the giveaway enterers (spell check says enterers isn't a word, I say, whatever) are my relatives. Thanks guys. :)

Anyway, I'm back today while baby naps to say Happy Wednesday (p.s. I've typed 'happy thursday" like three times now because really, I am losing it and what day it is keeps slipping my mind), and to say that motherhood is the greatest gift in the entire world and I wish it upon each and every one of you!

Happy Wednesday.

Spoil Yourselves GIVEAWAY!!!!

2011-09-09T07:42:00.001-07:00

To say thank you for reaching 200 followers, and in honor of over 200 posts, let's celebrate!

With a....

GIVEAWAY!!

The giveaway winner will receive a 20-pack of personalized 'thank you' and 'thinking of you' notes, plus 5 bonus notes with a message of the winner's choice. That's 10 unique 'thank you' notes, and 10 unique 'thinking of you' notes, with 5 custom notes designed and inspired by you.

{Front ^}

{back ^}

{front ^}

{back ^}

I wanted this giveaway to be personal, and something hand-made by me, because really, I'm grateful for you! However, since it's hand-made, I realize that you could all probably make these on your own, but the beauty of a giveaway is that if you win, you don't have to! :) I hope you feel my sincere appreciation and I hope a hand-made, Spoiled Eggs giveaway, will help!

How to Enter/Win:

To enter leave a comment for each of the following things you do:

*add my button to your blog
*become a follower (or tell me that you already are one)
*facebook or tweet about the giveaway
*blog about the giveaway
*visit one of the blogs on the sidebar and leave them a comment
*send me a 'Success Story', 'Question', or a 'Happy Things' list (or say if you already have)
*send me your infertility blog link or button
*and as always, if you deal with infertility or have a connection (a child, are certified, etc.) with adoption, leave a comment saying so for an extra entry

What?! 8 ways to enter?! Get going! Because if you don't enter, you'll make me feel silly for giving away something homemade. :)

Giveaway closes on Wednesday, September 14th.

Happy, HAPPY Friday!

QandA #1

2011-09-08T03:45:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all of you who have sent in questions. I'm really excited to have them asked on My Spoiled Eggs and to give answering them a shot, but I'm really excited to open it up to the readers of My Spoiled Eggs so you all can answer them as well. This week's question is one I've had a lot over the years and I'm curious to know what everyone thinks...

When somebody asks "Is it you, or your husband?" how do you answer?

That's such a good question because for some reason, everybody always wants to know who's "fault" it is that you can't have babies. It's a little bit infuriating when words like "fault" are brought up in regards to infertility because really, it's nobody's fault. I can't speak for everybody and certainly each situation is different but for us we've always chosen to be super honest. Sometimes that makes for really awkward conversations, but let's face it, they asked!

So, for us, a conversation would likely go like this:

Them: "So, you can't have babies, is it you, or Collin?"

Me: "Well, we actually both struggle with health-related issues that contribute to our infertility."

Them: "So you both have something wrong with you?"

Me: "Yes, we have lots of things wrong with us. I hate doing dishes, Collin likes to leave his dirty socks on the living room floor, and we both have a HUGE sweet tooth."

Them: "No, I mean you both have something wrong with you that makes it so you can't have kids"

Me: "Ohhh, now I see what you meant. Yes, we both have something WRONG (I like to add extra emphasis on the silly word of the conversation) with us that prevents us from conceiving (also, add in awkward terms like conceive, infertility, and ovulation for extra effect) a child."

Usually this is where things like an "I'm so sorry" or an "Are you seeing a doctor" or even just a turn and walk away occur.

It's never my goal to be rude, misleading, or to undermine the situation because infertility is HUGE. However, for me I usually like to add in some humor, an awkward dose of honesty, and an occasional smartypants response for my own personal sanity.

The bottom line is that people who don't know first-hand what infertility is all about, have lots and lots of questions and they simply don't get it. They don't understand our need for unity and support groups. They laugh at our over-sensitivity towards people with children. And sometimes they can be really inconsiderate. However, I will never understand the pain of having limited finances and finding yourself pregnant once again with no idea how to afford the needs of another child. I may never comprehend how difficult it might be to raise a child with a disability, or to have a miserable marriage. And I'm certain that I've asked really stupid and hurtful questions to people who are going through those things.

We live in a world full of different circumstances and trials, and just because somebody isn't going through our trial and we're not going through theirs, doesn't mean we should judge or be offended. When people ask us hurtful questions just remember that they don't understand what we're going through, and chances are, we don't understand what they're going through either. Most likely they're not trying to be rude, mean, hurtful, or annoying. In fact, by asking they're probably trying to be helpful, kind, interested, and caring. It just doesn't always come across that way. People in general are good...just try to remember that! That's what has helped me get through some doozies!

What about you? How do you respond to this question?

Happy Thursday!

Success Stories #1

2011-09-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

I know you're probably sick of hearing my success story, especially if your success story hasn't totally come to pass yet, but here's the thing, I KNOW your success story will come to pass. I just know it. And what better way to get excited for your happy ending, than to hear from other people who have had happy endings? Each Wednesday I'll be featuring an infertility success story. To get the ball rolling, I'll share my success story today, and next week (I'm really excited for your to read her story!) I'll share with you the success story of one awesome lady. And after that how about we tell YOUR success story! That's right, send me your success story ASAP with the subject line "SUCCESS STORY" and you could be the Success Story #3, or #4, or..you get the point! Anyway, here's my success story in a very brief, Reader's Digest, kind of way...

Collin and I met in February of 2007.

We went on our first date in March of 2007.

He kissed me in April of 2007.

He proposed to me in May of 2007.

I said yes. :)

I began birth control in July of 2007 (per doctors orders, as to have a month's worth in my system before our wedding day.)

We were married in August of 2007.

I quit taking birth control in August of 2007.

We tried to get pregnant from August of 2007-February 2009 with no "help".

I saw my OBGYN with pregnancy questions and had many tests run in March of 2009.

We got a phone call while on vacation saying we needed to see the doctor as soon as we got home in April of 2009.

We were told we'd likely never have children "naturally" in April 2009.

We had faith, tried Clomid, dieting, etc. from April 2009-December 2009.

We had no luck, and declared 2010 The Year Of The Baby and started My Spoiled Eggs in January 2010

Started the certification process for adoption in July 2010

Became certified in September 2010

Got our first e-mail from Makenzie in February 2011

Met Kenz in March of 2011

Brought Kenz home to live with us from March-April 2011

Sent Kenz home to prepare for baby, I graduated from college, and Nolan was born May 2011

Brought Nolan from Idaho to home in Arizona in June 2011

Had Nolan's adoption finalized and had him sealed to us in July 2011

And here we are in August 2011, living in Chicago, with little Nolan on our hips, and loving life.

Our time-line is nuts and we had 4 full years of crazy ups, downs, and inbetweens, but in the end God heard our prayers, and Makenzie found us, and we have a magical, miraculous, success story that I thank my Heavenly Father for every single day.

Happy Endings DO exist!!!!!

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday-Happy Things #1.

2011-09-06T03:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but Tuesdays are sometimes a drag for me. Mondays are expected to be a drag so usually I can mentally gear up and compensate for the Monday Blues by at least being aware that Monday might be a stinker. But Tuesday...well I figure I should be well into my week and my to-do list by Tuesday, and when I'm not, sometimes Tuesday ends up being a worse day than Monday. So, here on My Spoiled Eggs, to combat the Tuesday rut that I (and maybe you too) find myself in, I'll be sharing a list of Happy Things to get me through the day! Today, I'll give you my list, but for the weeks to come, I'd like to share your list with the readers of My Spoiled Eggs. So come up with a few Happy Things and send them my way in an e-mail with the subject line 'HAPPY' and I'll feature you!! Now...here's my list of Happy Things:

1.The beach
2.Pretty Stationary
3.Ritz Chips (I'm obsessed)
4.My sweet little family
5.Going on walks/bike rides
6.Friendly strangers on the bus or the train
7.Skyping with Family (and making Markee into a pirate!)
8.Learning how to take better photos (with Nolan as my model)
9. The Hunger Games (we read these out-loud to each other and we're hooked!)
10. Chicago (we're LOVING living here. COME VISIT!)

1.

4.

5.

7.

8.

10.

Happy Labor Day!

2011-09-05T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yay for a day off! Well kind of a day off in our house. Coll still has a bunch of school work, and even a meeting to go to, but I plan on being in my pajamas all day long, and after Nolan's bath, instead of putting his jeans on him, I went for a pair of sweat shorts and a T. We're all about being comfy today.

Speaking of Labor Day, I'm still laboring on the new additions to My Spoiled Eggs. The sidebars are filling up and I LOVE IT!! There are so many supportive people out there and I'm so glad we're introducing ourselves to each other. So be sure to click on some of the new links and leave a comment or two on each others blogs.

And one last thing, thank you, thank you, thank you for your questions, your success stories, your happy lists, your blog links and buttons, and your support. You are all absolutely INCREDIBLE! You're not off the hook yet though! Keep those questions, stories, and happy lists coming. And don't forget to send me your link if you want to be linked-up on My Spoiled Eggs!

Be sure to check back this week for our first round of the aforementioned Happy Lists, Success Stories, QandA sessions, and....A GIVEAWAY!! I'm FINALLY back on the giveaway train after being gone for so long. This is going to be a good week! Enjoy your day off and I'll see you back here tomorrow!

Happy Monday!

Today on 2899016 + 3 see the Many Faces of Nolan

Thank You!

2011-09-01T05:36:00.000-07:00

(One of my favorite baby shower gifts that now hangs in our nursery ^)

I know I'm supposed to be incognito right now while I'm giving My Spoiled Eggs a makeover, but I couldn't help coming to tell you 'thank you'. Spoiled Eggs just reached 200 followers and I couldn't be more grateful. That's 200 support-systems we have for each other and you guys are just awesome. Thanks for stopping by, and supporting me, and each other. Be back Monday!

(The caption under the picture truly describes what we and so many of you have been and are going through.)

A Time To Remember

2011-08-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened to/for/with us these last few months:

Graduating college

Nol was born

We moved out of a beautiful little home in our dream neighborhood and spent a few wonderful months living with Coll's parents

Nolan's adoption was finalized

Nolan was sealed to us

We packed up a moving truck and spent one last weekend with our family in the White Mountains

We drove through state, after state, after state, and ended up in Illinois

Nolan and I went from seeing our daddy whenever we wanted to him being gone a lot for school

Subsequently, Collin's having to learn how to juggle home, family, church, school, and personal life and I'm trying to learn to be patient and be a mommy with help from Collin less, and God more.

These changes have all (every. single. one. of. them.) been good. That isn't to say they've been easy, but they have been good. I've learned to love, accept, and roll with change. We've had a lot of change over the years. You know, infertility, positive/negative pregnancy tests, adoption, losing jobs, getting jobs, graduation, moving, etc. But I've learned that there are a few "steadies" no matter what. Love, God, family, and now this little guy.

I'm so grateful he's on my list of constant things that will always be there to buoy me up and make me happy. He's so tender, innocent, sweet, and forgiving. Especially when he's sleeping. :) I love him.

What are your "steadies" that get you through changes, hard times, and good times?

Happy Thursday.

P.S. Don't forget to go here and here to read about the upcoming changes on My Spoiled Eggs. And don't be shy. I really, really want to hear from you! And again, thanks so much to all of you who have already contacted me! This is going to be great!

Today on 2899016 + 3 Our Pizza Predicament and Nolan's First Bike Ride

To My Friends

2011-08-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

(Little man all conked out after a long day in the city)

I'm getting really excited for this new phase in the My Spoiled Eggs land. I've felt very impressed for quite some time that we all need each other, and I'm just one small person in this big ol' world but I hope that I can help in some way to make infertility easier on my friends. You guys really are my friends. I mean that.

I am admittedly a HORRIBLE blog commenter (it's on my "Things To Improve Upon" list) but that doesn't mean I don't read your blogs and gain inspiration from you and admiration for you. In fact, I have visited each of you who follow My Spoiled Eggs, or have commented on My Spoiled Eggs. I love reading what you have to say and I feel like I know you. And for that very reason, I want more people to know you and gain strength from you.

So don't forget to send me your link or button, and don't forget to e-mail me with questions, success stories, etc.

I can't wait to hear from some more of you! And thank you so much to all of you who have already sent your buttons, links, stories, etc.

(Motherhood is the greatest blessing, and one I thought I'd never have. Miracles happen people. Every day!)

Make Over Madness Part 2

2011-08-23T02:48:00.000-07:00

(This picture makes me happy)

Thank you all so much for your e-mails and support after yesterday's blog. Today I have more fun things coming your way.

Each week, My Spoiled Eggs will be doing several things:

answering FAQ of readers
featuring a success story
asking a question, seeking your responses
talking about HAPPY things

and more.

Here's where you come in.

If you have a question about infertility, adoption, doctors, insurance, medical options, adoption agencies, or anything else, we'll address it on My Spoiled Eggs.

If you have a success story in regards to infertility meaning; you've had children, you haven't had children but you've come to terms with infertility, you've adopted, you've beaten the odds, you've conceived naturally, you've conceived with medical help, or anything else, we'll tell your story on My Spoiled Eggs.

If you have a list of things, a bulletin board, a room in your home, a favorite vacation spot, a go-to ice cream joint, a picture, or anything else that makes you happy, tell us about it and we'll put it on My Spoiled Eggs.

When we post a weekly question and you have an answer, COMMENT! And help other readers of My Spoiled Eggs.

What you can do RIGHT NOW:

E-mail {myspoiledeggs@gmail.com} if you:

*Have questions about anything regarding infertility or adoption (subject line: QUESTION)
*Have a success story (subject line: SUCCESS STORY)
*Want to share what makes you happy (subject line: HAPPY)
*Have additional ideas or needs you'd like to be addressed on this blog (subject line: OTHER)

Do it now!! We, and so many others who have dealt with infertility can use the support and love we feel from others who know, in some way, how we feel. We'd LOVE to hear from you! E-mail pronto! And tell your friends! Let's help each other!

Happy Tuesday!

Make Over Madness Part 1

2011-08-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

(our infertility/adoption MIRACLE ^ yesterday in his Sunday-best! )

My Spoiled Eggs is changing, and in my opinion it's due time! There are so many of us out there who deal with infertility or the effects of infertility every day and I think we can all gain so much from each other. I know when we first got "the news" it was so comforting to talk to a brother who had been through the same thing, a doctor who knew all about infertility, another woman who had recently adopted, or a family of 5 who had medically kicked infertility in the rump. In fact, I don't know how I would have gotten through some of my roughest moments without knowing that other people had been there, done that, and come out better on the other side.

I want to pass that gift along. There are so many of you out there whom I've had the privilege of "meeting" via blog-land and I really, really want other people to know you too. So here's the plan...

Starting Monday September 5th, My Spoiled Eggs will be featuring you and your blog for free. On my left side-bar there will be links, buttons, and the like, of all things and all people infertility. My hope is to create a supportive community and a sisterhood/brotherhood of people who have knowledge and experience with infertility.

So, if you have a blog about infertility that you would like me to link to, or if you have a button you'd like me to share, please send it to

{myspoiledeggs@gmail.com}

no later than Monday, August 29th.

I also want to mention that if you have a blog that makes money, or a shop you think those dealing with infertility might benefit from, I will be offering my other side bar to you, at a very cheap rate. I would just like to differentiate between the no-strings-attached, open arms, community support group and the monetary side of blogging. I think both have their place, but to me, My Spoiled Eggs is more about the community and support.

I know this is a lot of words and might be confusing, so I will summarize:

Monday August 22 - Monday August 29:
Send me a link or a button to your blog about infertility, adoption, etc. for a FREE spot on the My Spoiled Eggs sidebar

{myspoiledeggs@gmail.com}

Monday September 5:
My Spoiled Eggs' makeover will be finished and a new My Spoiled Eggs (with YOU as the main stars) will be featured

If you would like to "sponsor" My Spoiled Eggs please e-mail me {myspoiledeggs@gmail.com} and we can discuss.

You all have helped me so much, and I want us all to be able to continue to help each other. So if you have friends that are dealing with infertility and 1. write a blog about it or 2. want to read a blog about it, send them this way. Have them send me a link or a button to their blog too.

This is a great opportunity to join forces and help each other out.

I can't wait to hear from you and to get this My Spoiled Eggs make over going!

Stay tuned for some more make over madness tomorrow.

And go tell your friends!!!!

Happy Monday!

Groupies

2011-08-17T03:19:00.000-07:00

When I walked into church 2 Sundays ago, I had a strangely familiar feeling as I looked across the congregation and was hard-pressed to find a couple without children. The feeling I felt can't be described by just one word. I felt jealousy, anger, frustration, I questioned "why them", and I felt quite alone. Then I snapped out of it and realized that for the first time in 4 years I don't have to feel that anymore. I have a baby. But I was surprised at how quickly those feelings stirred within me.

In our wards in Arizona it was a lot like the ward here where it sure seemed like everybody else had kids but us. We were never in a ward long enough, or felt confident enough to start a group that was just for marrieds without kids. But in this new ward, we found out that they do have a group for people without kids. They've even extended it to single people and empty nesters. They get together once or twice a month, rotate who will host, and play games and eat treats. I think this is so brilliant and I really wish we would have known about, created, or been a part of something like this during our kid-less days.

What do you think about getting a group of other people like you together? Have any of you done this or been a part of something similar? I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Happy Wednesday!!

My New Blog

2011-08-16T05:49:00.001-07:00

Well everyone...I've debated doing this for quite some time now, and I finally feel like it's the right time to make a change in my life.

I've decided to write more personal, family oriented things on another blog and leave this one for the infertility stuff. I debated for a while because for me the family/personal stuff is a part of the infertility and vise-versa, but I think separating the 2 will be a good change for now.

So, if you care about my personal life visit us at

ashleelovescollin.blogspot.com

And if you just want to read about infertility..stay put! :)

What you'll find on the new blog:
Chicago adventures
food/restaurant reviews
recipes
pictures
thrifting
daily life
too many photos of Nolan

What you'll find here at My Spoiled Eggs
my thoughts on infertility
guest bloggers' thoughts on infertility
book reviews
health tips
research
opinions
support
love

You're all more than welcome, and super invited to the ashleelovescollin.blogspot.com party! But stick around here too. This is kind of home to me.

Happy Tuesday!

Progress

2011-08-12T13:27:00.001-07:00

We've been in Chicago for a little over a week and I feel like we're finally making progress unpacking and decorating and whatnot.
We take lots of play breaks. Nolan really likes puppets.
Actually, he likes everything. He's the best boy.

Happy Friday!!

Please Tell Me You Do This Too

2011-08-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm about to share something that I've never heard anybody else share on a blog before...and it will either make you say,

"Wow you're a creep"

or

"Oh I'm so glad you do it too"!

I'm praying for the latter. :)

Let me start this by saying I have very, very vivid dreams, every single night, and I remember them every morning when I wake up. I usually roll over, tell Coll about my dream, he comments on my dream, and then says, "I don't think I dreamed last night, and if I did, I don't remember it".

So, I think I dream more, or remember my dreams more than the average person. Assuming Collin is the average and I am not. I'm assuming that, because that's usually accurate.

Anyway, the confession...if I read blogs before I go to bed, I almost always dream about people from blog-land that I've never even met before. For example...

in my dreams:

We have dinner at these guys' house about once a week...dead serious. Usually we jam afterword.

I've totally been jogging with her before. She kicked my trash.

She helped me do my hair in front of a big mirror one day before a wedding.

And last night, she and Steve gave Collin and me marriage advice on our wedding anniversary.

These are just a few of the many random blog-dreams I've had. Please tell me you have blog-land dreams too. It will really make me feel less creepy. Maybe I should just only read blogs in the morning time so my brain has all day to come up with other things to dream about?

Ho Humm....I don't know.

Does anybody else do this? Anybody?

Happy Thursday. From a creepy creep. :)

Oh Happy Day

2011-08-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Today is our 4-year anniversary.

Collin woke me up with breakfast in bed and agenda a mile long of fun (cheap) things to do in the city.

So, needless to say, I'll be out of blogland today.

Happy Anniversary to us!

I love you Colly!

(Photo of our first trip to Chicago, 2 years ago.)

Happy Wednesday!

It's Offical

2011-08-09T06:15:00.000-07:00

The group right after Nolan's adoption was made final in court
(Left to Right: Ed (Coll's Dad), Katie (our amazing case-worker), Grandpa Tom, Linda (Coll's mom), Collin, Me, Nolan, His Honor)

Here's a little Smith Family Timeline:

2010:
July-adoption orientation
August-fill out loads of adoption paperwork
September-become certified for adoption

2011:
February-receive first e-mail from Kenz (she's the miracle in all of this)
March-meet Kenz and bring her home with us
April-Kenz goes back to Idaho
May-go to Idaho, Nolan is born
June-make our way back to Arizona
July-adoption is finalized and Nolan is sealed to us

Our entire journey that lead us from hopelessness to Nolan took a year. That's not entirely true, because I feel like our journey took years, but from our decision to adopt a baby, until Nolan's adoption was finalized took a year.

I'm honestly not saying that to brag, and I know that a year is unheard of, and it never happens that fast, but I'm saying this for 2 reasons:

#1. God is in charge. End of story.
#2. You have to listen to your instincts/gut/conscience/The Holy Spirit

We were told in July of 2010 to not even get certified because we were going to move in July of 2011 and nobody ever gets a baby in a year. But something told me we HAD to get certified, and so we did, and I'm so grateful we did. Then we were told we'd have to wait until probably December before the court could get the adoption finalized, but the Friday before we left town (less than a week before we picked up our moving truck) I got a phone call.

"Ashlee, this is Gwen from the county attorney's office, and I see here in your paperwork that you're moving next week. We think it's in your best interest, and in the best interest of your baby if his adoption is finalized before you move out of the state. If you can come in RIGHT NOW and sign some paperwork, I'll have you a court date next Thursday."

So that's exactly what we did.

Then, 5 days later, on a Thursday, this is what we did:

5:00 wake up, shower, get extra ready
6:00 give Bubba a bath and get him extra ready
7:00 realize I should have ironed Collin's shirt the night before
7:45 leave for court
8:30 go before the judge and hear the words "You are now officially Nolan's Mom and Dad"
9:00 drive to pick up our moving truck
9:30 find out our moving truck has bucket seat, and therefore no place for Nol's car seat
10:30 switch moving truck companies
11:00 get a new truck
12:00 go to lunch with Coll's mom
1:00 Coll's mom babysits while Coll and I load the moving truck
4:00 drive away from home in our moving truck

It was a whirlwind of a day, but one of the most magical days of our lives. Thank you so much to all of those who made it happen.

And friends, really, if your heart is telling you to do something that everybody else is saying not to do, really, do some thinking/praying/pondering, and consider following your heart. It will rarely lead you astray.

I thought the above photo would look smashing next to Nolan's birth announcement :)

This all happened on a Thursday. Friday was just as busy of a day, and even more magical if you can believe it. We took Nolan to the Snowflake Temple, and had him sealed to us. But that's another post for another day. Pictures to come.

Happy Tuesday!

Good Morning

2011-08-08T06:43:00.000-07:00

I woke up to hear these 2 giving hugs and giggling. Best morning ever!

Happy Monday!

For The Ones We Left Behind

2011-08-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

This is the face of a full tummied, just bathed, little boy who got 11 hours of sleep last night!

I've arranged the following photos in groups according to who might enjoy them the most:

For grandparents:

For my brothers:

For those who appreciate a good attempt at thumb sucking:

Right before Nol and I finished up our photo shoot he lost his dad.

"Mom, is he up there?"

"Or did he go that way?"

Happy Friday from our little Cub in Chicago!!

And a HUGE thanks to all my guest bloggers!!

The View From My Windows

2011-08-04T06:18:00.000-07:00

For the past 2 months, when I'd wake up in the morning, this yard is what I'd see out the front window.

For the next 2 years, when I wake up in the morning, this is what I see out my bedroom window.

From grassy lawns to fire escapes! And I love it!

We've made it to Chicago, but our boxes are still packed. We have a couple more guest bloggers this week, and then I'll be back next week with adventures of our trip and our new life. Thanks for sticking around! I can't wait to be back!

In the meantime, here's a post by Loving My Choice; an anonymous fellow-infertile gal who's attitude and outlook on life are optimistically contageous! Enjoy!

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My husband and I are infertile. We are infertile. We are diagnosed with male-factor infertility and it has absolutely changed our lives. Like everyone else, we had a plan. We wanted children almost immediately after we got married. I don't think I even finished the first prescription of birth control. (Nasty stuff.)

We haven't been very private about our infertility. People know we want children, they know naturally it just won't happen for us, but they absolutely do not know why. No one knows our diagnosis. I strongly believe that as a spouse, it is a top priority to keep your spouse safe - physically, emotionally, socially, etc. That safety means different things for different couples. Sometimes, not talking about infertility at all is keeping your spouse safe. We didn't like being dishonest, though, about such a huge part of our lives. I remember coming home one day and telling my husband that I couldn't say, "Well, not right now" one more time when asked when we wanted to have kids. So, we "came out of the closet" so to speak.

Because we had a plan, and we knew what we would share and what we would keep private, people decided to try and fill in the gaps themselves. I have been diagnosed by more well-intentioned people than I can count. I am more than happy to field the questions. Quite frankly, I enjoy talking about it because ignorance runs rampant in our neighborhood. I feel like I might be able to keep them from saying something hurtful to someone else in the future if I explain the facts now.

The problem I do have is when people ask, "Is it you or him?"

The problem doesn't come because it's none of their business (even though it isn't.)
The problem is that by asking that question as part of their quest to "diagnose" us poor infertiles, the assumption is made that changing a member of the marriage would solve this entire "problem."

It does not matter if it is him or me. It is us. We are married. It will always be us.

Anything else just isn't an option.

LMC

*P.S. by the time this is posted, we will know if our IVF cycle worked or not! Stick babies, stick!

Guest Post-Amberly

2011-08-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

Well...we should be in Chicago by now. Hopefully. If all goes well. (I wrote this last week, so really who knows where we are right now!).

I was so excited when Amberly e-mailed me because our stories sounded quite a bit alike, and because she seems like such a doll! Go ahead, read for yourself and find out what I mean! She's great! Amberly...

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I have a story to tell, and it goes like this..

Boy meets Girl, they fall in love, they get married, they have 4 children, and they live Happily Ever After…

Oh, Wait. That’s not what happened, now is it? That’s the image that I had built up in my head from thetime I was a little girl. I would get married and have four little children. They would all be blue-eyed little kids; two boys, then two girls, and life would be grand. Or so I thought.

Now, in some ways, portions of the fairy tale are true. I did meet a wonderful man who I fell in love with. We were married in the LDS-San Diego Temple in 2001 and were ready to start our fairy tale life together; after all, we were married in a “castle”. In 2002, we decided to trash the birth control (halleluiah) and start our family. We felt we were ready for that first boy, and to have the first grandchild on both sides of our family. We were ready. I giddily found little things for our baby, and we were enjoying one another. Well, 2003 came along and we weren’t pregnant yet, and so we went to the doctor to investigate. They did all of the fun tests, said that there were some complications, but nothing to be super concerned about and gave my husband some medicine to help. Fast forward to November of that year; my husband was diagnosed with Lymphoblastic Lymphoma and was put on invasive chemotherapy and radiation. This put all plans to an abrupt halt. At this point, we were surprisingly thankful we didn’t have a baby to add to the stress of the time. After all was said and done, and he was healthy, the oncologist said that part of making him completely healthy was making our dreams of a family come true. So, we started trying again, and we were back to square one. At this point, I had gone to the doctor and was diagnosed with a lovely case of PCOS. I was given some medicine and the prescription of “keep trying”. After three months of that, I went back for a follow up and have the doctor say “Well, why aren’t you pregnant yet?” I was wondering the same thing as I left the office in tears, never to return. At this point, the constant barrage of “why aren’t you pregnant yet”, combined with losing the ability to have the first grandchild as my sisters both had children, became impossible to bear. We basically gave up everything, and just tried to truly focus on us.

In 2008, my husband received test results that dashed our hopes of becoming parents naturally and then trying to fight with insurance companies, and everything else that goes along with it, made me frustrated, angry and wondering if parenthood really was worth it.

We really started thinking about adoption, and wondering if this was what we were supposed to do; if that was our purpose. We spent a lot of time waiting, wondering, and praying, but keeping it all very “secretive”. That is something we have done all along on this journey. I chose to not share my story with anyone because of the challenges, and it seemed that every time I would share a bit of my painful journey, that person would end up pregnant a few months later.

In 2010, we were presented a potential adoption of an 18-month-old little boy, and we were excited. We truly felt that he was supposed to be our son. Unfortunately, circumstances were not as they appeared, and he was not to be our baby. This helped us truly cement our decision that adoption was, in fact, the avenue we needed to pursue.

In January of 2011, we went to the adoption agency and filled out all of our paperwork, and as of June, our home study has been approved. We are anxiously awaiting our children, yes, children; we are willing to take up to three. We hope they are ready to join our family soon, as we have been waiting ten years for them.

Our fairy tale may have been full of heartbreak and anxiety, but it has also been filled with love, caring, and tender moments for both my husband and me. We are ready to continue our story and add those children to the pages of our book so that we can truly have a Happily Ever After.