tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65931518216093188042024-03-21T09:48:51.793-07:00ASHLEE MARTIN SMITHSpoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comBlogger393125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-80009512996552640422018-08-30T12:11:00.000-07:002018-08-30T12:13:40.329-07:00Amazon Clothes For Kids - - Dear AZBe it my stage in life (full time stay-at-home-mom with 3 small kids), my general desire to not leave my house unless it's less than 80 degrees outside, my hope to not spend a lot of money, or my total distain for taking my kids shopping, I've spent a lot of time trying to find clothes for my kids online that meet my three criteria. What is that criteria, you might ask?<br />
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1. Only spend $20+ on an item of kids clothes IF it's unisex, and IF I love it enough to pass down to my other kids. This means it has to be comfortable, washable, durable, and timeless so that I don't spend loads of money on something and then later decide against putting it on my next kid because it's out of fashion or hasn't stood the test of time.<br />
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2. If a clothing item isn't something I plan on passing down from kid to kid, spend as little money as possible (I'm usually somewhere around $5-$10 per item), and then don't sweat it when something rips, tears, stains, or gets lost.<br />
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3. Buy clothes both my kids and I like. If one of us likes it and the other doesn't, there will almost always be a fight on a rushed morning when we don't have time to work through it. This means finding vintage super-hero shirts that don't TOTALLY make me want to puke, and it means finding more classic clothes that I love that are comfortable enough that my kids love it too, even without their favorite tv character plastered all over it.<br />
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You might be interested to know that I do almost all of the shopping for my oldest (7 year old boy) at HM. They have a huge selection of things we both agree on and while the clothes wear out quickly compared to more expensive brands, they are inexpensive enough that I'm not constantly following him around making sure he doesn't rip something, jump in any mud puddles, or have any fun. <br />
But I will say, I'm constantly seeking sources and inspiration for other options for him. SO if you see any cute 7 year old boys, ask them where they shop! :)<br />
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With my younger two, (3 year old girl and a 1 year old boy) I am building both wardrobes essentially from scratch. Obviously my daughter doesn't have anyone to pass down clothes to her, and my boys were born in different seasons and are wildly different in size, so he hasn't had a lot of hand-me-downs, either. I have no interest in breaking the bank, and loads of interest in cute clothes, so here we are.<br />
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Now that you know generally what I am working with and looking for when shopping, let's get to it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQzp1DiyEojEglSj79Wgschjxxxi8zZ-iOL8tOcQ2kMzf2BVmcAlPoAqXeXkx1sDBNkQO3BaKNAZjFavRu9Wy_NfdloB2rV2sCJh-2lbg1NdW8R8dmCAfjFh-mw4v5qrmZKqK5V7RppY0/s1600/clothes+collage+for+blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="775" data-original-width="750" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQzp1DiyEojEglSj79Wgschjxxxi8zZ-iOL8tOcQ2kMzf2BVmcAlPoAqXeXkx1sDBNkQO3BaKNAZjFavRu9Wy_NfdloB2rV2sCJh-2lbg1NdW8R8dmCAfjFh-mw4v5qrmZKqK5V7RppY0/s640/clothes+collage+for+blog.jpg" width="617" /></a></div>
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#1. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XZHPNW6/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Black Romper</i></a><br />
Price: $10.99<br />
Buy Again: MAYBE<br />
Comments: Super soft and cute, but seems to be made cheaply and there's not an easy way to change a diaper without taking the whole outfit off.<br />
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#2. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B076P8GZ4R/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Long Sleeve Dress With Floral Collar</i></a><br />
Price: $15.90<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: So soft, fits nicely, pairs with any color of tights, and just so adorable! My little girl says it's very comfortable. I washed it, but laid it out to dry in stead of putting it in the dryer, was still soft!<br />
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#3. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B076JBCC23/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Linen Long Sleeve Dress</i></a><br />
Price: $14.90<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: The linen leads me to believe I'll be able to pass this one down, and this dress alone may be the biggest motivation to have another girl. Such a sweet dress! Bought it in blue and pink.<br />
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#4. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0762LBZ7D/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s01?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Unisex Long Sleeve Playsuit in Dark Green</i></a><br />
Price: $6.98<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: So soft, washed and dried without any shrinking, inexpensive but will likely be able to be passed down.<br />
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#5. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XZ4QXY8/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1"><i>Gray Romper</i></a><span id="goog_1931964669"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_1931964670"></span><br />
Price: $10.99<br />
Buy Again: MAYBE<br />
Comments: Super soft and cute, but seems to be made cheaply and there's not an easy way to change a diaper without taking the whole outfit off. (Same romper as #1)<br />
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#6. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B077G7HDB7/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1"><i>Unisex Romper Sleeveless Orange</i></a><br />
Price: $5.97<br />
Buy Again: MAYBE<br />
Comments: I ordered this one on August 24th and it's set to arrive sometime between September 20th and October 12. I'm guessing this is shipping from some overstock yard across the ocean. This is inexpensive enough that I might love it for that reason alone, but I'll have to let you know more when it arrives.<br />
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#7. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B077G589MV/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Unisex Romper Sleeveless Navy Blue</i></a><br />
Price: $5.97<br />
Buy Again: MAYBE<br />
Comments: Same as #5 just in a different color. I'll keep you posted.<br />
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#8. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07BS8XTCW/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Linen Strap Romper In Gray, Unisex</i></a><br />
Price: $6.39<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: I was so worried that the straps would break during playtime or in the washing machine but they've held strong! This is so adorable with or without an undershirt and it's inexpensive enough that if it breaks I'll just buy another one. There's not fast access to a diaper change but I just tie the straps in a bow for a quick release which is way better than buttons.<br />
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#9. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07CH3CJNR/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Sleeveless Cotton Romper In White</i></a><br />
Price: $7.79<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: This ran quite small, especially after washing so I re-ordered the next size up and will use the smaller one on *hopefully* future children. I also tried <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DNQVL95/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1">this one</a> which was almost the exact same thing, and not worth paying the extra $4.<br />
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#10. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07CWM27GG/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Unisex Cactus Romper</i></a><br />
Price: $1.59<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: I was skeptical about this one due to the price but if you like this one even a little bit, BUY IT NOW! It's soft, easy, washes well, and totally cute.<br />
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#11.<i> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0736T2ZC1/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1">Unisex Linen Romper In Blue</a></i><br />
Price: $8.50<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: This ran small and did shrink a bit in the dryer but the quality seems great, and though it didn't fit my little one for as long as I'd have liked (see the wedgie picture above), I'll absolutely save it for the next babe.<br />
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#12. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0736RC5SG/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1"><i>Unisex Linen Romper In Biege </i></a><br />
Price: $8.50<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: Same as #11, just a different color. We loved this one for church!<br />
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#13. <i>T<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B077GWVY1W/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1">oddler Mary Janes</a></i><br />
Price: $9.99<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: These might be my favorite find! The product photo doesn't do them justice, they're much cuter in person and we even easily removed the bow for a look we both were more comfortable with. These have held up nicely and match everything!<br />
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#14. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B078GHX97J/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1&psc=1"><i>Peter Pan Collar Shirt</i></a><br />
Price: $14.99<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: I should never try to pick favorites because this one is also my favorite! This paired with some tights is so adorable. It's pricier than I'd like for a shirt, but it washes well, wears well, is comfortable, stylish, goes with any bottom, and I bought it in 2 colors because of it!<br />
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#15. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0058F1TUM/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o08_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Short Sleeve Blouse</i></a><br />
Price: $7.99<br />
Buy Again: NO<br />
Comments: This was actually my first attempt at buying clothes on Amazon and it wasn't a big success. The shirt ended up being super frumpy and more school-uniform-like than Peter-Pan-Collar-Whimsical like I was hoping. We'll probably see if we can layer it in the fall but will likely end up donating it.<br />
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#16. <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0759D1B97/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o09_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1"><i>Unisex Lace Knee-High Stockings</i></a><br />
Price: $13.99<br />
Buy Again: YES<br />
Comments: These came with 6 colors and I wish they came in my size! We all love these as they are the perfect colors for any outfit. They can be tall enough to wear as tights, or bunches loosely to wear as boot socks or knee-highs. They can be dressed up or dressed down and at roughly $2 a pair, I'm a huge fan!<br />
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I literally couldn't think of any other way to share this information, without greatly complicating my life...so thanks for humoring me! Dear AZ is the joint venture of my husband and me, but this little piece of the internet is where I spent years and years documenting things from my point of view. I like that today those two worlds are colliding. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-84706082916836834522018-03-27T21:52:00.000-07:002018-03-27T21:52:09.615-07:00Like Riding A BikeCollin's traveling for work and after getting the kids in bed, I've sat down on our old yellow couch with our laptop perched on Grandpa Tom's timeless mid-century table to book flights for a girls trip with some high school friends. To me, all of that makes me sound way older than I feel. Furniture that I've owned for more than 5 years, furniture we inherited from people I wish were still here, a business-trip husband, more than one kid, a weekend away from normal life...I guess I really am 30. As I sat down and opened the computer, the muscle memory in my finger tips took over and immediately opened several tabs at once. That's how it was in the olden days of blogging glory. I'd open one tab for my e-mail, typically one tab for my bank account, a tab for Facebook, my own blog, and then I'd check in on my favorite bloggers. I'd always visit the same 5 or so first, and then 3 hours later I'd visited more like 20-30 blogs and by the time I'd finally come up for air I felt both depleted and inspired. Oh those early days of social networking and thoughtful content that was difficult to achieve and maintain (instagram spoils us) but so fabulously entertaining and connecting, were good days. Anyway, tonight I opened the computer, and without consciously deciding to, I pulled up this blog, something I don't think I've done in nearly a year and a half. I've probably already talked about it but this blog sort of died when my dad did. Maybe the more accurate sentiment is that a part of me sort of died when my dad did, only not sort of, it did. But if there's anything I've learned in my life, it's that death is not the end, death is not final nor permanent, and regrowth, resurrection, second chances and trying again are real things that happen to real people and what once was dead doesn't always have to be. To be clear, I don't think this is a come back. It might be. I might make this a habit, this whole blogging thing, but I'm not committing. I'm here writing again, because as I read the last thing I posted on here, it sparked so many emotions. And my overwhelming feelings weren't necessarily caused by what I was reading, but rather by how I felt when I tried to remember why I used to write. I love writing. I love sharing (on my own terms). I love expressing, releasing, and putting things in their place. I REALLY love putting things in their place. And I think I may have been spending these last few years wondering where the place is for all of my thoughts, feelings, and words, and I think this is the place for them. I think I really liked the idea of my blog gaining attention and recognition and whatnot in years gone by. And I don't think that's bad, maybe it's something I would strive for again in the future. But right now, probably for the first time ever in regards to blogging, that couldn't matter less. I feel like I just want a place for my feelings to land. Maybe I'll never show up here again, but tonight, being here, writing here, feels like coming home.<br />
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I suppose future me will want some details, and current me liked the way past me outlined the essentials in my last post, so I think I'll do that again. So here comes a year and a half's worth of life experience condensed into however many bullet points worth of things I can remember.<br />
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Collin took a job at Boon.<br />
He has also been teaching 1 class at ASU each semester and loves it.<br />
In January 2017 I had a baby boy. We named him Martin Jack.<br />
Martin for obvious reasons, Jack after Uncle Jack Eagar (who wasn't actually my uncle at all), after several Jacks on the Wright side of the family, and after Hulen Jack who taught me some good life lessons.<br />
Mellee grew up. She's only 3 now (as of last week) but she's every ounce of human perfection in a 3 year old body.<br />
Nolan. Well, I typed his name and then sat in silence with my eyes full of tears and getting all choked up and I can't really even put my finger on exactly why. Nolan is a walking miracle. He's strong, loyal, fierce, he's just full of life. He challenges me. But he loves me, and boy do I love him.<br />
Me...well, I am a full-time mom. I take very little time for anything else and that has begun to show in my stature, my self-confidence, my wardrobe, my intelligence, and my energy. And though it's cliche to say it, I wouldn't change it. I mean, I'd change some of it (my stature and a few other things) but I wouldn't change it if it meant I had to pick a different job or spend my days with different people. I love my people, I love my job. It's hard and it has (and will continue to) left its mark, but I love it.<br />
We are still active members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This, to some, would seem obvious and not worth noting but to me it is something to celebrate and saying it makes me feel triumphant. I've battled trails of faith, I've battled testimony break downs, I've battled watching dear friends leave the church which impacted me way more than I thought it should, so I took some time to do some serious searching and some sincere questioning. And after it all, we are still here. It is still true. Jesus is still The Christ. Are there things I don't understand? YES! There are things I don't understand, things I don't agree with, people who have truly been hurt and wrongs have been done. I don't ever want to discount that, or the experiences of others. But I can say with full confidence that for me, for my family, we will serve The Lord. We are here, we will be here. As I once heard a dear sister say, "I've been out and I've been in, and in is better". Oh how I agree.<br />
We still live in Arizona. A few months ago we took inventory of our belongings and realized we really owned very little that we absolutely NEEDED and/or LOVED. So we got rid of loads and loads and loads of stuff and moved into the "casita" attached to Dustin and Kylee's new build. We live on Fairview Street with Troy and Crystal, Ed and Linda, and Dustin and Kylee. We are about a 15 minute drive to Bryan and Karen's and we see Mom often. Arizona is hot and an architectural drag, but being near family makes up for it.<br />
Sherrod and Sarah moved to Eagar. I was surprised at how much relief that brought me. Sherrod worked down here a lot so we see him often, too.<br />
I miss my oldest brothers but have hopes that summer or autumn will bring us together.<br />
As we've moved nearly 20 times in our 10 years of marriage, it has fascinated me to see which of my relationships last the test of time and distance. I don't fault anyone for the ones who don't, and I don't feel any less grateful for them. But in each place we've lived, we've come away with a handful of people I can't imagine my life without, even though most of them are people we never see, and frankly rarely talk to. But some how that bond still holds, the connection isn't lost, and they still bring value to my life. I couldn't possibly name everybody, but to list a few, Laura from Racine, Nikki and Lo and Myriah and Skyler and Brandon from Chicago, Amy and Lindsay and Uncle Charlie from Kansas, and going back even further, John and Lara from Tempe, Markee and Tami and Kim and Hilary and Jayde from Eagar. It's just remarkable to think about the last time I've seen these people (most of them it's been years) and somehow I still thrive off of their friendship and the lessons they've taught me.<br />
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Sheesh. Those bullet points turned into essays. But this was good. For me, anyway, this was good.<br />
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I just clicked back to finish buying tickets for my girls trip and my session had expired. Something about that is satisfying. I pushed pause on the to-do list and did something else, and that feels therapeutic. So maybe I'll save myself the $85 and change the name of my blog to Ashlee's Therapy Sessions and see you back here next week. And by "you", I think I just mean me...and that feels good, too.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-8618149044734119242016-09-06T15:18:00.000-07:002016-09-06T15:18:11.433-07:00Summer 2016It's been a while since I've written over here, and I'd probably be fooling myself if I thought that it wouldn't be a while before I write again. But, here I am, nonetheless. Mostly because too many wonderful and crazy things have happened to go undocumented, and to document our summer in a facebook post would have to go down as the most obnoxious use of the limitless characters rules ever. So, here I am, back to the blog I haven't seen in over a year, and here with a lame attempt to update just the last few months because heaven knows I can't remember an entire year's worth of stuff.<br />
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Summer 2016 started off with us leaving Kansas City and heading back to our roots in Arizona. The move was less than expected, though we were grateful for the amount of time we did have to prepare to leave what are surely some of the dearest friends and family of our lives. Living in KC taught me about mommy friends, and friend friends, and church friends, and the unwavering and outrageously spoiled love of an Uncle Charlie and an Aunt Annie. So to say leaving was hard would be an understatement. Perhaps the only thing that made it okay was knowing that on the other side of that 18 hour drive were our parents, lots of our siblings, and a plethora of cousins for our littles. The emotions attached to the events that happened leading up to, and following our departure from KC are many, so in effort to keep this readable by future me, I'll just quickly give a run down of the chain of events. Let it be known that with each nutty and seemingly impossible thing that happened, there was ALWAYS a miracle attached. Here goes.<br />
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Two days before we left, Mellee came down with Hand Foot Mouth.<br />
The day before we left, we realized tons of our stuff wouldn't fit in our shipping container.<br />
We quickly sold as much as we could and left what was left with friends, (thank you Harmons!!)<br />
On moving day we put what hadn't sold on the curb for free, and drove away.<br />
We stopped at a fertility clinic and transferred an embryo (with instructions not to sit, lift, or stress).<br />
Got about 4 hours out of town and Collin got violently sick.<br />
We quickly stopped and got a hotel, Collin got worse, not better.<br />
The next morning I got in the driver's seat, we said a prayer, and took off.<br />
Collin was rapidly, and visibly deteriorating, and we didn't know why.<br />
We stopped in Albuquerque and put him on a plane to Phoenix to have his parents get him to the ER.<br />
I proceeded to do a lot of stressing, lifting, and sitting.<br />
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I drove the kids the rest of the way by myself to my mom's house in AZ.</div>
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Collin made it to the hospital and after several days found out he was bleeding internally.</div>
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He had lost half of his blood supply and was admitted to the ICU.</div>
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I left the kids with my mom and drove to Phoenix to be with Collin.</div>
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While in the hospital I took a pregnancy test to see if the IVF had worked.</div>
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Do to the stress, sitting, and lifting, I'll admit I had low hopes.</div>
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The test was positive. I was pregnant.</div>
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The hole in Collin's esophagus healed, he received a blood transfusion, and over time recovered.</div>
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We got the kids, moved in with Collin's parents and Collin started looking for a job in AZ.</div>
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Instead, he was offered a wonderful opportunity for a summer gig in Chicago.</div>
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A week later we packed up and drove the 24 hours back to the midwest. </div>
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I started getting sick, very, very sick. Pregnant, indeed.</div>
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We spent the next 2 months moving from one AIRBNB to another. </div>
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We got to see Jaron and Shelly in Wisconsin and old friends from Racine. Amazing.</div>
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We got to drive to South Dakota for a Martin family reunion.</div>
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It was time for Nolan to start kindergarten, so we packed up and headed back west.</div>
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We stopped in KC and picked up the stuff we'd left earlier that summer and got to see old friends.</div>
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We got in one last squeeze with Uncle Charlie and Aunt Annie.</div>
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We drove back to AZ. </div>
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We arrived in AZ just in time to get a lunchbox, backpack, and a few school supplies.</div>
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Nolan started school with 7 of his first cousins at the same school.</div>
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I started experiencing brutal pain and was certain I was miscarrying. </div>
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We rushed to the ER only to find out I had kidney stones. What a relief!</div>
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We moved into Coll's sister's back house and Nolan plays every day with cousins. </div>
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I get to go to lunch with my brothers any time I want!</div>
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We get to make the short 3.5 hour drive to see my mom, vs. the 15 hour drive it used to be. </div>
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Collin teaches design at ASU.</div>
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After being pretty sure I was pregnant for 16 week, we finally decided I should see an OB.</div>
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The ultrasound confirmed my pregnancy and told us that it's a boy. We are thrilled!</div>
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Life has now slowed down for us substantially, and looking back on the crazy summer of 2016, the events above certainly remain with me, but what stands out even more are the miracles we saw over and over again, the prayers we felt every step up the way, and how obvious it was that The Lord's hand was in every bit of our journey. Collin knocked on death's door, I kept a pregnancy that was a miracle in the first place and then should have easily not lasted given our circumstances, the kids have overall been healthy and have adjusted well, and life is just really, really good. </div>
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We are so looking forward to continuing to settle down here, make more memories, and to make Arizona our home again. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-6382963921864966192015-04-04T18:58:00.000-07:002015-04-05T07:02:27.991-07:00MelleeMellee Smith was born on March 19, 2015 a little before 8pm and though she was but little, she was fierce...just as Shakespeare put it. <br />
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Before I go into a little more detail about this little girl and her somewhat dramatic entrance into this beautiful world, I have to express some of the bitter feelings I felt, during what were surely some of the sweetest of my life. I am surrounded by people that I love that were expecting babies, or were at least expecting to be pregnant during the same time our Mellee was due, and my heart ached for those who weren't holding their babies, as I was holding mine. Mellee is a miracle from heaven and I will never take her for granted, because I know how many people hope and pray and wish for their own babies. Infertility is so real, so hard, so painful, and I wish and pray with all my heart that those who are praying for their own miracles will receive them. I never thought I'd have one baby, much less two, and our own experiences with infertility have helped me see my children for the blessings that they are, but our experiences have also made me so keenly aware of those of you who are in the midst of the dark times of infertility. I pray the light finds you soon.<br />
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I also can't go on without mentioning the feelings I have for Nolan's birth mom, Makenzie. We loved her from the moment we met her, but I never loved her more than the moment after I held my Mellee and then suddenly imagined myself handing her over to somebody else. All birth moms, but ours in particular, deserve the utmost respect and love. What they do and have done, and the selflessness they live by, has never felt more real to me and I love Makenzie more today than I ever have before! <br />
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And one more brief interjection that has little to do with all the "good stuff"... for anybody who was wondering, her name is pronounced precisely how it is spelled: Mel-lee, or if you prefer: Mell-ee. Rhymes with jelly. <br />
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So our little Mellee girl...she is a product of a successful round of in vetro fertilization. Everything about my pregnancy was right on track, things were looking normal and fine, with the only minor concern being that I threw up (with a few glorious exceptions) every single day of my pregnancy, and therefore lost a lot of weight. This was never a huge concern, but at about 32 weeks, Mellee suddenly stopped growing. The doctor was relatively unconcerned at first, but as the weeks passed and growth didn't happen, he grew more and more worried, and became extremely proactive. I had ultrasound after ultrasound, test after test, and finally at just shy of 39 weeks, my doctor said "if we can't fatten her up on the inside, let's get her out here and fatten her up on the outside". I called my mom, who wasn't scheduled to fly in for another week, and we rearranged her flight schedule. She came the next day, and we had a couple of days to nest together before I went in to be induced. <br />
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My induction went, I'm assuming, as most do. There was a lot of discomfort, a lot of watching the clock, praying for time to pass and progress to happen, and then (though it was nearly 24 hours later) it seemed like in the blink of an eye we were right in the middle of having a baby. Because the doctor was worried that she would be so small (he predicted around 4-5 pounds) there was a plethora of staff at the ready to do whatever needed to be done. That brought so much comfort. As Mellee finally entered this life, the cord was wrapped around her neck, and they whisked her away without me even getting to catch a glimpse of her. I remember crying and asking over and over again if she was okay, and then I heard her cry, followed by the miraculous announcement that she weighed over 6 pounds! I will never be able to describe the relief that both of those things brought. My doctor quickly joked "I'm glad I didn't make you carry for 40 weeks". After what seemed like a life-time, they brought me my baby and every single worry, fear, concern, heartache, and pain was washed away in that very instance. I knew she was okay, I knew she'd be okay, and I knew, for absolutely certain that every bit of her life, from the first fertility treatment until that moment was a blessing from God, and direct answer to prayers. My testimony of Heavenly Father grew in that moment in a way I'd never experienced before. I was holding an answer to a prayer.<br />
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We took our time, actually we took until pretty much the last second, to decide on her name. But in the end, we knew she was Mellee. The truth is that even thought we explored other names, she had always been Mellee. Each part, every letter of her name has meaning to us. Mel comes from Collin's grandma Melba who he loved and spent precious time with as a teenager, some of my favorite stories are about her and I loved to hear Collin talk about her. She was strong, and brave, and creative, and adventurous, and she thought out of the box and was independent and those are all qualities we hope our Mellee will have, too. The lee part of her name comes from my dad, who was Robert Lee. It's his 'lee' that gives me the 'lee' in Ashlee and I wanted my Mellee to have it, too. My dad was kind, and non-judgmental, and quick to forgive and even quicker with a joke, and he was compassionate and loyal and respectful and a true believer in Christ, and these, too, are things we wish for our girl. The double 'L' matches Collin's name and if there's anything I truly hope for my daughter, it's that she'll take after her daddy in every way. He is pure and wise and loving and humble and if she's anything like him, she will soar.<br />
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These last 2 weeks have been reminiscent of the last few weeks before she was born. She is still having trouble growing, and we have seen more doctors in her short life than Nolan has seen in his almost 4 years of life! She will grow, I know she will, but it will be a slow process. However, if there's one thing I've learned in this process, it's that prayers are answered.<br />
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Some of the highlights of these past few weeks that I never want to forget have been:<br />
Aunt Annie and Uncle Charlie flying my best friend/cousin, Markee, in to meet Mellee<br />
My mom coming for 3 weeks and the peace it brought to have her here<br />
My baby shower being rescheduled because of sister's early arrival<br />
The prayers and fasting of our dear ones, some of whom I've never even met (Mrs. Patty!)<br />
Experiencing labor, giving birth, and nursing a baby ... all things I never thought I'd do<br />
Watching Nolan beautifully fill his role as big brother<br />
A box of love from my sweet friends in Wisconsin <br />
Feeling my heart grow big enough to love another child as much as I love Nolan<br />
Watching Collin hold his daughter<br />
Seeing my dad in my daughter ... she has his chin, his coloring, and his dark hair<br />
The outpouring of love from family, friends, and neighbors<br />
Collin counting me through my contractions (except for that one time;) ) <br />
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I know I'm forgetting so much. The sleep deprivation is real! But so is the magic. I feel blessed beyond measure. <br />
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She's here. She's here. She's here!!!! Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-602086204092705452014-09-10T06:50:00.001-07:002014-09-10T07:02:04.927-07:00On Being PregnantI feel like before I share a bit of our story, I need to preface it with a couple of things, things that I don't really know how to say, and I know I'll publish this post and later on wish I would have said it differently or better, but here it is from my heart. First of all, there's a part of me that will always feel like a betrayer for having Nolan and being pregnant. I know that sounds weird, but some of my dearest friends are those women who have stood by me and who I have stood with as we have looked infertility in the eyes and faced it head on together. And some of those women are still looking at infertility head on, with no babies in sight, and here I am with not just one, but two babies. This doesn't mean I'm not grateful, I could never be grateful enough, but this also doesn't mean that I've forgotten you or what it feels like to deal with infertility. You are brave and strong, and I will continue to stand by your side as you wish for babies that I know will come, but haven't yet. Secondly, I know that some people go through fertility treatments time and time again and are never successful. I pray for you and won't ever forget you, and will continue to stand by your side, too. My greatest treasure in life is being a mom, but my dearest friends and those who were my greatest supporters were my fellow infertiles and you were my first bits of hope and strength. You're not alone, and I still got yo back.<br />
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In 2011 when we had the absolute perfect experience being placed with Nolan, and when everything from falling in love with his birth mom, Makenzie to holding him for the first time and bringing him home, went so impeccably well, we were so satisfied, so fulfilled and so certain that if we never had another baby, it wouldn't matter. Nolan was all we needed and we couldn't have ever, ever been happier! Fast forward to 2014 and we still felt the exact same way, Nolan fulfilled every single hope and dream and idea that we had about being parents and having the most beautiful life, but something told us that maybe we weren't all Nolan needed. There's just something about a little boy needing a brother or a sister that got us thinking about the possibility of adding another baby to our family.<br />
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We were terrified, because Nolan's adoption was so seamless that we were just certain that nothing could ever go that smoothly again, and so starting the whole process all over again was a little daunting, to say the least. But after much fasting and praying and after a bunch of random (or not so random) questions from Nolan about babies and brothers and sisters, we decided to try again for a baby. Our path lead us to adoption, which just felt so natural and familiar and incredibly exciting. I mentioned a little bit about this story before <i style="font-weight: bold;"><a href="http://myspoiledeggs.blogspot.com/2014/04/thoughts-on-trying-to-have-baby.html">here</a> </i>but in a nut shell, we thought we had a baby and the birth mother changed her mind, and though there was a moment of "well that stinks" we knew without question that this was the right thing and that her sweet baby wasn't our sweet baby. So next, in a pretty crazy chain of events that, frankly, felt really scary and unfamiliar and surprised us both, we found ourselves pursuing fertility options, something we hadn't done in 6 years. Six years ago we closed that door, and it was a bit strange to open it again, but we knew it was right, we knew it was what our Heavenly Father wanted us to do, and so we went for it.<br />
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We went through the entire process, from start to finish, all over again. Testing, retesting, uncomfortable conversations with genetic counselors and informative conversations with amazing doctors, and finally, again, the diagnosis, which was not easier to hear the second time around, but fortunately, not as big of a blow the second time around, either. We learned a lot of new details but the bottom line was still the same, you will never have babies on your own, and the only way you will ever get pregnant is through In Vetro Fertilization, and not the normal kind, the most precise, expensive, delicate, and tricky kind (it's called ICSI, if you're interested in Googling it).<br />
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We went home, processed a bit, called our insurance (which covered a whole bunch of our process which can only be noted as Miracle 3,548), did some more fasting and praying, and knew that this was the right step for us.<br />
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The road through In Vetro is incredible. The fact that there is such an unbelievable process and procedure that works, still blows my mind. But to be completely honest, the road isn't that pretty. It involved giving myself lots of injections, and Collin giving me lots of injections, and plenty of weight gain, and feeling exhausted, and then there was the time when I was allergic to some of the medication I took and I passed out and woke up with several doctors hovering over me, and yada yada yada, like I say, not a particularly pretty road. And then there were the mood changes. Oh the blessed mood changes, which left me with only one things to say: bless my dear sweet angel of a husband. However, despite all of the ugly parts of the journey, there was a light, and a pretty bright one, at the end of that tunnel.<br />
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We had no idea what to expect after trying In Vetro, we certainly had no idea if we should anticipate pregnancy, so we tried to go in with high hopes but low expectations.<br />
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I'll never forget the moment I got the phone call from the nurse (Bridget) with the news that I was pregnant. I was at Jaron and Shelly's house, I saw that the nurse was calling, I ran outside, got the news, came back in, and lied through my teeth so that I could tell Collin before anybody else. :) Bridget was so nice. When she said, "you're pregnant" I immediately started questioning her and she laughed and said, "Ashlee, you are pregnant" to which I replied "I've just never heard those words before". It was surreal, exciting, and I couldn't wait to tell Collin.<br />
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The rest is sort of history. Our family has said endless amounts of prayers of gratitude and thanks, we've done plenty of belly patting and name discussing and all of the things that I dreamed we would be able to do some day. And aside from being terribly sick (ER visits, throwing up all day every day, losing 16 pounds (what!!!)) these last 12 weeks have been some of the most wonderful of my life.<br />
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I will never take pregnancy for granted. I will never forget what it feels like not to be pregnant. I'm also pretty sure I will never forget what it feels like to be pregnant, and for that, I could truly, never be grateful enough.<br />
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We are excited, feeling blessed beyond measure, and I have high hopes that as I start feeling a little less sick, maybe my blogging frequency will increase. Don't hold your breath. :)<br />
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***I'm not a huge fan of public thanksgiving because I'm notorious for forgetting somebody or leaving something out, but I can't not say what I'm about to say, so please know, if I leave somebody or something out, it's not because I'm not grateful, it's because I'm an idiot. :) There have been sick days these last several weeks where I literally could not stand up, much-less feed my family, and in those times of need my freezer has been filled with breakfasts, lunches, and dinners for my family, with magical smoothies for me that kept me from withering away, my fridge was always full of something from somebody, neighbors have watched and/or offered to watch Nolan, people have had Collin over for dinner, friends and family have called/texted/emailed/messaged or dropped by. Friends have mowed, the youth have weeded and tended to our yard. I've had my own, personal, on-call Meals on Wheels driver, who also happens to be the leader of our congregation here in Racine, and undoubtedly had 1,000 other things to do. I've had my dear dear friend literally feed my family every day for weeks, make belly bands so I don't have to wear uncomfortable clothes, send over anti-nausia food, and check on me every single day without fail. People have offered to clean, or cook, or just be here with me, and though the list could go on, I'll stop there because my hormones make me cry when I talk about stuff like this. But before I completely finish, I HAVE to say thank you to my boys. Nolan has been so patient and so loving, and Collin has taken over my roles and never complained once. I am so blessed and SO THANKFUL FOR YOU!!!<br />
<a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a><a href="http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/" style="background-image: url(data:image/png; border: none; cursor: pointer; display: none; height: 20px; line-height: 0; min-height: 20px; min-width: 40px; opacity: 0.85; position: absolute; width: 40px; z-index: 8675309;"></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-27637212260603287702014-05-23T07:49:00.001-07:002014-05-23T07:49:36.462-07:00Camping<div style="text-align: justify;">
Collin spent 2 weeks over seas and when he got back he took the week off so we could spend time as a little family. We decided to go camping, partly because a whole entire year ago Mama and Papa Smith gave Collin camping gear for his graduation, and a year later we still hadn't used it, and partly because a few days with no cell service, no people, and no computers sounded like heaven especially after not having seen each other for 2 weeks. So...we went camping. And while we were there, our little 2 year old decided to turn himself into a 3 year old. We spent the day doing what I think every little boy should do on his 3rd birthday, fishing from a row boat, throwing rocks in the lake, running on the beach, eating cake straight from the pan, and running in the woods getting really, really dirty. I hope that being 3 is awesome for him, because being mommy to that 3 year old is the best thing in the world. </div>
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**It should be known that I was approximately 90% opposed to camping before we went, and a full-fledged 100% fan by the time we drove home. I think this means we'll go camping again, I hope soon! </div>
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-17793912013422067012014-05-05T06:03:00.001-07:002014-05-05T06:03:25.713-07:00Ride On<div style="text-align: justify;">
We have this really amazing hill right out our front door and we have this low to the ground bike/car toy that can handle adults and kids alike, and really, I can't think of a better combo. So, I give to you…Ride On. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-62577570544117015492014-04-29T08:47:00.000-07:002014-04-29T11:54:27.444-07:00Thoughts on trying to have a baby<div style="text-align: justify;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKDg2Nj2e6G0sZqP72xHq2UOIYBWoS5Xu2IxJxPT0aK_nKPy9MqYSpPfNGyK5ArM1Co-sRDGKuvjQksDaslUwIJIlm6n26ZH1f8IxA0eQWiNHCslL1SRi3FAuCXw2nnU1j0Rxffbh2Rvc/s1600/IMG_2489.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKDg2Nj2e6G0sZqP72xHq2UOIYBWoS5Xu2IxJxPT0aK_nKPy9MqYSpPfNGyK5ArM1Co-sRDGKuvjQksDaslUwIJIlm6n26ZH1f8IxA0eQWiNHCslL1SRi3FAuCXw2nnU1j0Rxffbh2Rvc/s1600/IMG_2489.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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I have a pretty amazing life, really I do. It's the kind of life where I wake up in the morning, open up my Gospel Library app on my phone, read a few versus of the good word, roll over on to the floor and say a heart-felt, generally not particularly rushed, good morning prayer. After that stuff I look at my calendar, see what the day has in store, and then as long as I show up to the right place at the right time, or call the person who needs to be called, or make what needs to be made, all the while giving as much possible attention to the two boys who make my world go round, I deem it a pretty perfect day. Nothing too incredibly pressing, never anything too dramatic, always lots of fort-building type activities and always a lot a lot a lot of apples and peanut butter. I drop Collin off at work with a kiss and a hug, and if ever he's too rushed or heaven forbid I'm not in the mood, Nolan yells "HUG" and "TISS" at the top of his lungs until the three of us have sufficiently squozen and smooched each other, which I know is essential to Nolan being able to call his day a success. We greet our daddy at the end of the day with everything the song was made of, always including but never limited to a hug around the neck, a kiss on the cheek, and some definite knee-climbing. Dinner is usually simple, delicious, and full of "today this happened" and "let's please don't spit our food out" and plenty of toddler burps (maybe my favorite and least favorite thing at the exact same time). Then it's bath time with daddy and kitchen clean up time for this girl, and then we usually top our day off with some sort of screen time before we sing a stirring rendition of 'Book of Mormon Stories' which naturally leads to reading said stories, and then it's prayers, a book, sometimes a song, and goodnight. It wouldn't be for everybody, but for me it's a pretty perfect life. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIARPRd7vU3FJtiMSQyHkL7pVf4tFJKol45Yfvydi6v6uDHVh1IolUoLyaK1L7Bj8JCdRe1M7LWGktOm0e3P1-RQQg8MSwmB9h1VsJSgAXsuPZRxH2NGzkqKcOPAut-Qib4KVVRNtLaCI/s1600/IMG_2491.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIARPRd7vU3FJtiMSQyHkL7pVf4tFJKol45Yfvydi6v6uDHVh1IolUoLyaK1L7Bj8JCdRe1M7LWGktOm0e3P1-RQQg8MSwmB9h1VsJSgAXsuPZRxH2NGzkqKcOPAut-Qib4KVVRNtLaCI/s1600/IMG_2491.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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And believe it or not, that entire paragraph up there ^^ was a precursor to a whole horrific account of how despite my perfectly happy life I still long for what I can't have…which is a tale as old as time and generally includes bigger houses or skinner thighs or all expenses paid vacations or maybe shopping sprees. But for me, all the bedrooms in the world, all the legs for days and sandy beaches and every stitch of clothing in the world is not what I long for. For me….it's babies. Plain and simple. A house full of children to chase and tickle and kiss and love. That's what I want. And that's what I can't have. Or at least, not yet. And you know what, it's not because we haven't tried, because dear sweet heavens have we ever tried. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnNdAVmdOVUeCKgCgrLnVYDGzhjF0-QV4cB8eFcp23e_NmuouLvNm_WETj__PQQZYD5QQrcn-X3ypyDhXRvFGpifiHo2hmZ9mxe_N8K7hGvBfub7qCRe1IwI29p_ubdq4V26k6ldrRGXI/s1600/IMG_2501.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnNdAVmdOVUeCKgCgrLnVYDGzhjF0-QV4cB8eFcp23e_NmuouLvNm_WETj__PQQZYD5QQrcn-X3ypyDhXRvFGpifiHo2hmZ9mxe_N8K7hGvBfub7qCRe1IwI29p_ubdq4V26k6ldrRGXI/s1600/IMG_2501.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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There was this one time, earlier this year, when we thought we had been chosen by a birth mother so I called up our local theater and told them "I can not thank you enough for offering me a role in the upcoming show Les Mis (my favorite, and a dream come true!) but I can not accept, because a birth mom has chosen to place her baby with us during the time the show is running". The director was SO thrilled for us, and so understanding and it was all lovely. Then, a short while later, we found out the birth mother picked a different family instead. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbk142YRvz0rmn6lWomyObHpLHb5GCF_sspJXDUOfUTu92t8holcC3JhLCecF8nfceoqtVs9hP-I0_u0kP35fBfLfGIVo9ZFAxedF6zvqhuo9nanZXJZuLkGucgdXOZxmyc4WQwKB2ZUU/s1600/IMG_2505.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbk142YRvz0rmn6lWomyObHpLHb5GCF_sspJXDUOfUTu92t8holcC3JhLCecF8nfceoqtVs9hP-I0_u0kP35fBfLfGIVo9ZFAxedF6zvqhuo9nanZXJZuLkGucgdXOZxmyc4WQwKB2ZUU/s1600/IMG_2505.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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***THIS IS IMPORTANT*** I feel 100% confident that that baby boy was not ours and that the sweet birth mother made the right choice and that baby boy will go to the perfect family for him. I am not devastated, heartbroken, angry, resentful, hurt, nor do I feel betrayed, letdown or lied to. </div>
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But we did get to add one more event to our list that we call 'Ways We've Tried To Have A Baby That Have Failed'. Then there are fertility treatments, those money sucking, body mutilating, marriage testing treatments, in which I turn into somebody I'm not, all the while Collin wonders where his wife has gone, Nolan thinks Mommy has lost her mind, and I can see all of it unfolding right before my eyes with limited to no ability to stop. the. crying. And all of these treatments are dependent on so many things that are out of our control, the least of which is a demanding work schedule, the most of which is, well, our bodies. It's a lot, this whole wanting to have a baby and not being able to thing. A really lot. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWpmr_X3Y2usH8G6lJRriM4z-aEpskTvLVxXV-isPL0HgRITuXoe04pDGxXxaV4yCSZVzVbxBdx51lBlNchCaRQyzo9atnvwTg-2edVzfayVq1sLVJ_UU5hRQebJhMi9x0p3OB85h3-CY/s1600/IMG_2510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWpmr_X3Y2usH8G6lJRriM4z-aEpskTvLVxXV-isPL0HgRITuXoe04pDGxXxaV4yCSZVzVbxBdx51lBlNchCaRQyzo9atnvwTg-2edVzfayVq1sLVJ_UU5hRQebJhMi9x0p3OB85h3-CY/s1600/IMG_2510.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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And on the days when I see a newborn baby, or (and especially) on the days when it's so blasted obvious that Nolan could SOOOO benefit from a sibling (we're talking only-child spoils, and limited ability based on limited necessity to share, and most of all this thing I've never seen in a child his age where he sees a baby and can't help but gravitate towards it, this kid LOVES babies) it hurts my heart beyond belief that I can't just ask Collin to come home early from work one day and then walllahhh, 9 months later gift Nolan with the sibling of his dreams. And then, beyond (and way less important) than all that, is the fact that we went a little overboard when we moved out of the city and purchased a home for 3 that was intended for 10 and all day long I'm walking past empty bedrooms and lonely cribs and little tiny baby blankets that are just sitting there…waiting. I think it was yesterday that I said to my love, in a moment of frustration and slight rage, "why do we even waste the money to live in this house if we only need 2 bedrooms? Let's just move!"…which was clearly a rational thought because in the middle of a mini-breakdown that is mostly hormone induced and doesn't have a clear end in sight, moving is definitely the answer, the perfect answer. </div>
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Anyways, despite all this negative rambling and (as I'm sure I'll discover when I read this in a week) ample over-sharing, there is a point to this…story? Is this a story? I don't know…but the point, the point is this….we are trying, my goodness are we ever trying. We are trying to do things right, not just baby stuff but all this life stuff…we're just, trying to get it right. We're trying to make the best decisions. We're trying to teach Nolan the best stuff. We're trying to be thankful for what we have and not sad for what we don't have. And by George, we are trying to have a baby. I think we'll have one, though I'm not 100% certain, and I think it will be a girl, though I'm way less than 100% certain, and I think Nolan and she won't be 10 years apart, though right now that wouldn't surprise me. </div>
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BUT, with all of this trying and failing and this overwhelming uncertainty, a few things have become increasingly clear to me. If we never have another child, (particularly a tiny little girl in the next year or so, like I'm dreaming of) we will be okay. We will make it out of this roller coaster called life, okay. If Nolan Smith is the only child I ever have, I will never feel cheated or robbed or like my life as a mother was wasted because being a mom to this miracle boy of mine IS ENOUGH. It is more than enough. This little almost 3 year old was the last piece to my puzzle, the one who made me "Mommy", the one who taught me more in 2 years than anything I learned in college. And if he's the only child we ever get to do life with, that is okay. More than okay, really. Because when I think about his story, and Makenzie, and the people that love him, and the way he holds my hand, and the way he dances when a record comes on, and the way he runs to me after a nap, and the mischievous smile in his eyes, it's okay, it's all okay, every single thing…is okay. </div>
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But….we're still going to keep trying. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhsXcoig6eYABw0TNPm3gInKGfBxNs5PDZqjSY5CnwdzweyhAljKz6snj8a9q3MWEAnX6_mQkPWUfPUuWry2IOPfuXS7oYiUd33IujlRXRrP72HuelVtkg9zm0aNe3SUxjkS-qkRLLWag/s1600/IMG_2524.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhsXcoig6eYABw0TNPm3gInKGfBxNs5PDZqjSY5CnwdzweyhAljKz6snj8a9q3MWEAnX6_mQkPWUfPUuWry2IOPfuXS7oYiUd33IujlRXRrP72HuelVtkg9zm0aNe3SUxjkS-qkRLLWag/s1600/IMG_2524.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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^^^Photos from a family fishing trip we took a few weekends back. I thought documenting the day my heart exploded from the cuteness that is a little boy + a homemade fishing pole was a decent idea. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-21278203144152747282014-04-08T09:53:00.001-07:002014-04-12T05:35:03.166-07:00Larry E. Sherwood....my grandpa<div style="text-align: justify;">
It's sort of mind-blowing that just a little over a month ago I posted<a href="http://ashleemartinsmith.com/"><i><b> this</b></i></a> about our grandpas and less than two weeks later one of those good men was gone from this earth. My Grandpa, Larry Elton Sherwood, passed away March 22, 2014. (You can read his obituary <a href="http://www.wmicentral.com/obituaries/latest_obituaries/larry-elton-sherwood/article_27e4a700-b606-11e3-844d-0019bb2963f4.html"><b><i>here</i></b></a>). Grandpa Sherwood was something different to everyone, but he was something to everyone. I've loved, so much, hearing all of the things that he was to so many people; patriarch, cow-hand, bishop, boss, employee, friend, etc. and I am so grateful for what he was and is to me. </div>
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<span style="text-align: center;">Grandpa is a flood of memories for me, starting from a very young age, all the way until 2 weeks before he passed when I got to hang out with him for a couple weeks. That's 26 years of inspiration, motivation, example, and love I got to have from that man. What a blessing. I've learned from the passing of my dad that writing down memories and referring back to them often is a crucial part of healing and moving forward, so that's what I'm going to do now, share some of my sweetest memories of my grandpa. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhahOi2m_T8gawaliYHjdlHwXukHcPKsLXPQmc3x8lQPXcdsVrWjRmBsJT-KBMeBhglgc2yNs-T31J1XkeNc-Ket618KHdf4Ufqzmk8lXfO8IOJHFWZPXuWvmTxK8kgsPQ1R8pLaZqLaHg/s1600/IMG_4307.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhahOi2m_T8gawaliYHjdlHwXukHcPKsLXPQmc3x8lQPXcdsVrWjRmBsJT-KBMeBhglgc2yNs-T31J1XkeNc-Ket618KHdf4Ufqzmk8lXfO8IOJHFWZPXuWvmTxK8kgsPQ1R8pLaZqLaHg/s1600/IMG_4307.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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I don't ever want to forget:</div>
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Lying in bed on a Saturday morning and hearing the doorbell ring followed by a loud "Are you gonna sleep all day?" which was generally preceded by some form of cuss word, most often the "h" word. :)</div>
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Sitting between gramps and Uncle Rolf on our way to who knows where, stealing a sip of Diet Coke from Uncle Rolf's giant Maverick mug and then a sip of Grandpa's DP from his giant Maverick mug. </div>
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Running out to open the big white gate at the farm and it being too heavy, so I'd wait on the bottom pipe of the gate until Gramps would lift it open and then push that gate out nice and hard so I could get a good swinging ride on it before I had to jump off and get back in the pick up. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi369JOJ151rXNfbf0qrUDmJ6VrhhAG698uuCsnaducu8NlUTZe00qf70cHvbnNTcdr4ndK1_AoVoVrzf3pXiPRQsqNG_Qup184oaxs4wcTgq9Du1mgPJ0GtIcPf6zs-SqhhPtUKKUy5ik/s1600/IMG_2777.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi369JOJ151rXNfbf0qrUDmJ6VrhhAG698uuCsnaducu8NlUTZe00qf70cHvbnNTcdr4ndK1_AoVoVrzf3pXiPRQsqNG_Qup184oaxs4wcTgq9Du1mgPJ0GtIcPf6zs-SqhhPtUKKUy5ik/s1600/IMG_2777.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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My first time butchering with Grandpa. I can still remember being absolutely blown away by the whole thing, from realizing what a chore this really was, to recognizing that this was a labor of love that was going to feed an entire family for a long time. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6jcmivaDBG7cbEbd0g6kdY8nldzHQKQNmPSQ0jRDV2Q8Mdcky-ML7Q-iKvDiX0th5EI4uL42XwIbHYVJaXNRQpy_vj5GUqTZZ5mofAI8k3fB5bKJTt6LPb4UoPGN2-BbUyKTBfnJYnRU/s1600/IMG_1817.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6jcmivaDBG7cbEbd0g6kdY8nldzHQKQNmPSQ0jRDV2Q8Mdcky-ML7Q-iKvDiX0th5EI4uL42XwIbHYVJaXNRQpy_vj5GUqTZZ5mofAI8k3fB5bKJTt6LPb4UoPGN2-BbUyKTBfnJYnRU/s1600/IMG_1817.jpg" height="320" width="233" /></a></div>
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Watching Gramps shoot a hog not long before he "retired" from butchering and being so incredibly impressed and proud to call the man that just nailed a hog dancing around in the back of a horse trailer directly between the eyes from what had to be 50 yards away, my grandpa...and my 85 year old grandpa, at that. (I think it was about 8 years ago)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Pw0f9Y33Sf3ysbQJqxV529Vtx8h4Og128nd-bNib1nwpEu_3qAeZbhx2Cdp64DkrfCP_aRTzwUZCpyKHR6aMN7fgegL-b8w6W50yFzlnt8arcv1FmMerhMkFFXt-4p35J72KGhRzez0/s1600/IMG_1425.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8Pw0f9Y33Sf3ysbQJqxV529Vtx8h4Og128nd-bNib1nwpEu_3qAeZbhx2Cdp64DkrfCP_aRTzwUZCpyKHR6aMN7fgegL-b8w6W50yFzlnt8arcv1FmMerhMkFFXt-4p35J72KGhRzez0/s1600/IMG_1425.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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Trying on a dress that only had one sleeve and while Mom was pinning and tucking, Grandpa walked in, with blood all over his hands (from butchering) and asked for a plastic bag, which I thought was going to be for some butchering purpose, he then proceeded to wrap the bag around the arm without a sleeve and said, "that's better". Needless to say I did not ever wear that dress, nor did I ever wear anything sleeveless ever again. </div>
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Watching Grandpa hurt and cry for us when my dad passed away. He would have traded places with my dad in a second but that wasn't the plan and he picked himself and us up by the bootstraps and kept on keeping on. </div>
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Sitting on top of the chute looking over with over-sized anticipation, waiting for that dead silent, yet deafening head nod which meant "pull", and then watching him rope a steer in nothing flat! Pulling chutes for Grandpa and Uncle Floyd at The Martin Place made me feel like a queen, I seriously felt so honored!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5DvcTN9155t1OgTHYqlXFY5tfVLJabCD3CNmmvtrDT895zYEBjup5294NRLObgahYeNIIXw1F4gm6BqSMqMxe8Q-l6IUOeZFh0AMkTHIQV-a__N67MAbbw6GZ46vFunEISeHH7eVErlg/s1600/IMG_6747.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5DvcTN9155t1OgTHYqlXFY5tfVLJabCD3CNmmvtrDT895zYEBjup5294NRLObgahYeNIIXw1F4gm6BqSMqMxe8Q-l6IUOeZFh0AMkTHIQV-a__N67MAbbw6GZ46vFunEISeHH7eVErlg/s1600/IMG_6747.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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And speaking of an honor, I remember the first time I was handed a hot shot and asked to go move some cows. I felt like I had finally made it in life! (I was probably 8)</div>
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Sitting 3 or 4 cousins high on that old pink and tan flowery couch in the living room waiting for our Fast Sunday FHE to start and trying to look away pretending that I wasn't completely thrilled at the prospect of being asked to play the piano for our opening song while Markee led, but I was completely thrilled, and he asked every time and it made my day every time. </div>
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Grandpa asking Markee and me to play and lead at our private family viewing for Grandma, I felt so grateful for the opportunity. Grandpa was ALWAYS giving me opportunities to shine and experience honor and responsibility. </div>
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The advice he gave Collin when he was trying to decided which job to take a few months back. He said, "if getting up to go to work is a chore, you'll get stuck, but if you like getting up and going to a job you enjoy, you'll do better at it, you'll be better at it, and you'll be able to move ahead." Grandpa always worked, and he always enjoyed it, even the less-enjoyable stuff. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0n_sZ2VRdB06MwNuGqrLsXL0hDnuCWIgvJrUWbQNBQV5audyhyphenhyphenrxKnrgU1CO3BAifpz-wSKTrBHBA3F0kozu4C3oL89ftFujyn_UdSghtut1SWx2FQPFMFQIemT2XR2bZi7rfZj0t6TE/s1600/IMG_1962.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0n_sZ2VRdB06MwNuGqrLsXL0hDnuCWIgvJrUWbQNBQV5audyhyphenhyphenrxKnrgU1CO3BAifpz-wSKTrBHBA3F0kozu4C3oL89ftFujyn_UdSghtut1SWx2FQPFMFQIemT2XR2bZi7rfZj0t6TE/s1600/IMG_1962.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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When I wrote a song for Grandma after she died, Grandpa came in and said, "well where's mine?" I spent about a month writing a song for him that was in the same key as Grandma's and then I spent about another month joining the two songs together into one piece that I thought musically represented the love my grandparents' shared and the way they complemented and completed each other. I played it for Grandpa a few months later and he said, "you'll play that at my funeral". (Thank the HEAVENS I didn't have to, and thank the HEAVENS he was kidding. Also, thank the heavens my sweet Aunt Tina played at his funeral because it was truthfully the most beautiful piano solo I've ever heard. In fact, I hadn't shed a tear until her solo). He didn't die for over 10 more years! I play it often when I miss my grandma and now my grandpa. </div>
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Grandpa coming to my mom's house declaring that he'd left his glasses somewhere and we needed to go find them, so naturally I headed toward the driver's seat, given that the 92 year old didn't have his glasses, but he insisted on driving and I don't remember ever having more fun! </div>
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Watching him handle a dutch-oven like it was his baby, and coming out with perfect biscuits every single time, because even if they were a little burnt, since Grandpa made them, they were perfect. </div>
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Seeing him manage and maintain the reunion place to make sure it was always ready for the family.</div>
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When he took me on a DQ date once while Mom was doing paperwork and Nolan was sleeping. It was just Grandpa and me. I tried to pay, and he nipped that in the bud right away. He bought us lunch and a treat and we just sat in DQ visiting. To be honest, we didn't talk much, Grandpa didn't talk just to talk, I remember him keeping quiet until something profound needed to be said, but that lunch is one of my sweetest memories. </div>
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The summer my dad was sick, and the summer after, and for several weeks this year, I got to spend uninterrupted time in Eagar, as an adult with a different perspective on life, and I got to be around grandpa for months at a time knowing that he wouldn't be around forever and wanting to learn every possible thing I could from him. I kept a notebook all summer long of the things he taught me. Everything from how old his oldest cow was to where he bought his bull. He knew how many cows and calves he had and he taught me when to sell them and what is a good price. I look at the notebook and remember riding in the Kubota with Nolan between us, and Nolan doing the cattle call and Grandpa cracking up. I remember Grandpa not even being able to step out of the truck because his cows were so close he couldn't move. They'd reach right up and lick him and eat out of his hands. They loved him just as much as he loved them. </div>
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I want to remember the way Grandpa knew everybody and something about them. I want to remember the way he treated my mom and his kids. I want to remember Christmas shopping with Grandpa around town. I want to remember doing corn, and shelling peas, and fishing in the pond, the smell of branding, his determined and pointed walk that got slower overtime but NEVER lost purpose. I want to remember the way he looked after a fresh hair cut. I want to remember sitting next to him during church and him letting me play with his watch. I want to remember his hands, his worn, strong, hard-working, never-idle, sun-spotted, wrinkled, serving hands. I want to remember that he called me Matilda and sis and Ash, and I want to remember that he called Collin 'Collins'. I want to remember that he never called Nolan by his name but always by some other heart-felt yet slightly spicey (and always situationally appropriate) name. I want to remember how tightly he hugged my mom when she brought my dad home from the hospital, they hadn't seen each other in about a month and I think that might have been the longest in their whole lives. I want to remember his funeral and the horse-drawn wagon lead by 3 of his best cowboy friends. I want to remember the wonderful people who showed up to support and show love. I want to remember the honor it was to carry Grandpa's casket and the tribute it was to watch my cousins lower his casket into the ground with roping ropes. I want to remember his hat and his spurs, his horse Annie, and all the horses that came before her. </div>
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I want to remember so many things about my grandpa but if I only get to remember one thing, I hope it's this:</div>
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My Grandpa was all of the things I talked about above, a dad, a brother, a son, an uncle, and grandpa, a friend, a bishop, a patriarch, a cowboy, a team roper, a butcher, a teacher, a peace-maker and a leader, but FIRST AND FOREMOST my grandpa was follower of Christ and a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. That always came first. ALWAYS. And if I never get to live on a ranch and use the notebook full of cattle-herding knowledge he gave me, and if I never get to grow a garden or sip water from a rusty old ladle again, and if I never get to do one other thing that my grandpa taught me to do, that will be okay with me, as long as I follow his example and never let my faith in and testimony of Jesus Christ waver. He was perfect in his testimony and I want that to be what I carry with me in this life.</div>
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I will forever be grateful to have had Larry Sherwood as my grandpa. </div>
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-63432451014832506112014-04-01T11:12:00.006-07:002014-04-01T11:16:45.115-07:00A Warm House<div style="text-align: justify;">
One of my favorite things (now, not so much as a kid) about being home, is chopping and bringing in wood. My mom's home is heated by one wood stove that sits in the family room and blows heat throughout the rest of the house. If there's not a fire going, we're freezing! The whole 'building a fire to survive' concept is so charming to me and home is just home when there's a fire built. This house I grew up in holds every single dear memory I have for the first 18 years of my life, and so many more since then. This house is where I learned to walk and talk, where I learned to read, to speak correctly, it's where I played with my brothers and built forts out of couch cushions. It's where I had my first cry over a boy, it's where I slept the night before I got married, it's where Collin came to propose to me (though he didn't get the chance, another story for another day), it's where I learned to bake bread and where I learned to make biscuits and gravy, it's the first place I came after Nolan was born and it's the last place my entire family was all together for the last time before my dad passed away. When I step inside the house I immediately feel warm and safe and at home. I love that a flaming fire in the stove is such a visual representation of what it means to be home. I just love being home. </div>
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQYNM6SjD_o&feature=kp"><i>LOVE this song. </i></a><br />
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-85210327062600005872014-03-31T10:31:00.004-07:002014-03-31T10:31:30.472-07:00Missing My Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzd7_PpjGwOh3PRIGrcuNy78qRcRwciA_GZoEkSSWdCiusa60PHpdtSTFwsbWSnLNlX6snYMqpLNBV3qci5ol3ZgzT4tFOowxVDgamLh8ZCt1k63dAfMHqV18ll4YL_HT10RKxEDrca2Q/s3200/IMG_1845.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzd7_PpjGwOh3PRIGrcuNy78qRcRwciA_GZoEkSSWdCiusa60PHpdtSTFwsbWSnLNlX6snYMqpLNBV3qci5ol3ZgzT4tFOowxVDgamLh8ZCt1k63dAfMHqV18ll4YL_HT10RKxEDrca2Q/s3200/IMG_1845.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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I don't gush about this man of mine nearly enough, and frankly even if I never quit gushing about him, it still wouldn't be enough. We've had a lot on our plate recently, and really 'we' isn't quite accurate, mostly HE'S had a lot on his plate lately. He spent 3 weeks out of the country for work, and came home to more work, a wife with crazy house project ideas, people needing him to do this and that, and a lot of church responsibility. He's just plain ol' busy. And then my grandpa passed away (I'll share about this later) and Collin said, go home, be with your mom, stay as long as you need, I'll be fine. And so I did. I left him with projects and lists and assignments from me and everybody else in his life, and came to be with my mama. I've been feeling a little guilty imagining him trying to get everything done and then cooking for himself, doing his own laundry, going to the grocery store and all of the other little things I usually do for him, and while I know he's more than capable of doing all of those things, I really miss doing them for him. There aren't a lot of things I get to do for this man because he's so blasted organized and on top of things, and at the end of the day he's sort of already done it all, but I really cherish those few things I do get to do for him and right now I'm missing doing those things for him. But if I can't be with my sweetheart there isn't anywhere in the world I'd rather be than in small-town AZ with my mom. I just really love Collin and am amazed over and over again that he's mine. </div>
Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-51922402266536834192014-03-29T13:19:00.003-07:002014-03-31T07:33:16.337-07:00On Blogging<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimayKFbKvaI9Xbp-ciqmdZATRhsIgpcdEUgcSNvLCCFGPNDQVawwfPCRY5XF3J5ci9vzqCNue5oWsM4Pyq7OfRABa1XsA4Q-OXVgEXKck2RCbwZX0KMY71XY2gZi8dVB4lklL6SGcx3H8/s3200/IMG_1500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimayKFbKvaI9Xbp-ciqmdZATRhsIgpcdEUgcSNvLCCFGPNDQVawwfPCRY5XF3J5ci9vzqCNue5oWsM4Pyq7OfRABa1XsA4Q-OXVgEXKck2RCbwZX0KMY71XY2gZi8dVB4lklL6SGcx3H8/s3200/IMG_1500.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a><br />
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If I had a nickel for every time I thought about this blog and my life and how the two of those things fit together, I'd at least be a thousandaire, and maybe even a millionaire. I know so many things, without a doubt and I never question them (what color I want my walls, how much I love Collin, my faith, flower pants) but I am constantly torn right down the middle when I think about my life and blogging. I can rationalize myself into thinking that there's no excuse to not blog. Blogging is so therapeutic for me, blogging has connected me with so many of my dearest friends, blogging has brought me so much hope, blogging is a fabulous way for Noly's grandmas to keep up on his life, it's a fantastic journal and on and on and on. But in the same breath I can talk myself out of ever blogging again. It takes away valuable time I should be spending with my family, nobody ever reads it, Nolan might some day be mortified about all the things I posted on here, I might some day be mortified about all the things I post on here, I tend to care more about material things when I immerse myself in the blogging world, I never feel good enough or accomplished enough when I blog, and on and on and on and on. And I think both sides are so absolutely valid.</div>
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I have tried to think about why I started blogging and why I stopped blogging, and what that means..if anything. I started blogging when we found out we couldn't have babies. I stopped blogging when my dad died. Both of those things were traumatic in my life. But I think the difference in my outlook during infertility vs. my outlook during my dad's sickness and death are night and day. I wasn't completely shocked by our infertility diagnosis and I had 100% faith that we would be parents some day. But I couldn't have been more shocked when my dad got sick and died and quite frankly (though I know without a doubt that I'll see my dad again) my faith in the future was weak. I've learned a lot about hope these last few years and even more about faith. And I learned that it was so much easier to do life with faith than without, and that absolutely applies to blogging. So at a time in my life when faith was low and sadness was high, I quit…I plain ol' quit. I didn't quit on the big things like church and family and Collin and Nolan, but I quit every single thing that I could afford to.</div>
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In the last 2 years I have given up so many things that sometimes I'm afraid I've lost forever, but in just the past couple of months I've seen a glimmer of hope that makes me think with enough work and love, I can get back all of the things I lost. I think Heavenly Father wants me to get those things back, and I know that if He and I work together I can feel creative again, and I can find time for music and journaling and painting and decorating and exercising and baking and cooking and blogging again. And that's what I want to do, and that's what I need to do, and that's what I'm going to do.</div>
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I'm almost afraid to share all of this "I want to" and "I need to" and "I'm going to" stuff because I know that's just an invitation for the universe to shred my plans, but I also know that I have to try.</div>
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I'm going to start small. A wall here, a song there, a few more pictures, a few more blog posts, and it'll all be simple. No "go big or go home" attitude anymore. I'm sick of thinking that if I don't go all out it's not worth trying. That's not true and I'm over it. Something is always better than nothing and that's what I'm going to do….something.</div>
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I love my life so much. In fact, every day when I pray I can't ever find the words to express my gratitude and happiness with my little family, our home, Collin's job, health insurance, etc. I am happy. I am blessed beyond measure and I could never ever complain about this journey I'm on, but I know there's more, and </div>
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not more in a greedy way, but more in a I know that God has plans for me and that I have potential and that I can be better than I am sort of way. I want to get some things back, and maybe even find some things I didn't know I had and I hope to share some of these things here along the way.</div>
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So…here's to blogging…again.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-4051472950873732162014-03-06T13:14:00.000-08:002014-03-06T13:14:00.033-08:00Valentine's 2014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
It was a while ago, but I don't want to forget. Collin and I had such a wondering Valentine's Day. It was simple and pretty text-book, but it was exactly what we wanted/needed and really, just being together made it perfect. I love Collin, I am in love with Collin, and I feel 100% loved by Collin. These are things I don't take for granted and they are things I am grateful for every day. Every day is Valentine's Day with that man, but I'm grateful we got a real-life date on February fourteenth. :)</div>
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^^Popcorn and a movie. Homemade treats. Outfit prep. Window selfie at dinner.Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-65952537682316517702014-03-05T13:00:00.000-08:002014-04-08T08:36:45.616-07:00GiantsCollin said something sweet the other day about the families that we came from and I couldn't agree with him more. He said, "we are standing on the shoulders of giants". Now don't get me wrong, we don't have perfect families and I know nobody does, but we have families that love each other, that care about each other, that would drop anything to help one another, and we feel so grateful for the families we come from. Collin and I each have one grandparent still alive, both of them are our grandpas on our moms' side, and both of them were born in 1920. These two, in particular, are the giants whose shoulders we are standing on. These men are the epitome of service, hard work, kindness, dedication to God and family, and I couldn't hand pick two better great-grandpas for Nolan. I was fortunate enough to capture a couple sweet moments with Nolan and his great-grandpas recently and these are photos that will hang on his bedroom wall to remind him of the heritage he has and the heroes he has to look up to. We love you Grandpa Tom and Grandpa Sherwood!<br />
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<i>**<a href="http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/47591/Cowboy-resolves-I-am-not-going-to-get-old.html">Here's a fun article written a few years ago about Grandpa Sherwood that I love. </a></i><br />
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-91849039176052942722014-03-04T12:19:00.000-08:002014-03-04T12:19:00.003-08:00Nolan In The Tub<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This boy is so much fun! Truthfully, between him and his daddy, I pinch myself every day to make sure this is real life. I mean any kid who can make it look like he is actually drowning in a sea of waves in the bathtub is a pretty cool kid in my book. Also, I can NOT believe he is almost three. I can not! </div>
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<br />Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-1446185212476073132014-02-19T06:01:00.000-08:002014-02-19T06:03:16.923-08:00Guest Post: Lara from My Fabulous Chaos<div class="p1" style="text-align: justify;">
When we first got to Wisconsin, <span style="color: #134f5c;"><a href="http://myfabulouschaos.com/"><i><span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Lara</b></span></i></a> </span>was one of the first people I met. I was instantly struck by her inner and outer beauty and just by the fact that this tiny little thing had 7 children! And then as we got to know their family better and as we spent time in their home, I was even more struck by the love they have for each other, by the kindness and happiness they share, and I found myself craving to be around them! We are so grateful for Lara and her family, and I can't wait for you to "meet" Lara. She blogs over at <a href="http://myfabulouschaos.com/"><i><span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>My Fabulous Chaos</b></span></i></a>, but today she's over here, talking about her family and the little things in life. Thanks so much for visiting, Lara, for being my dear friend, and to all of you who might be reading this...do yourself a favor and go read <a href="http://myfabulouschaos.com/"><i><span style="color: #134f5c;"><b>Lara's blog</b></span></i></a>...every day...it will fill you with joy! </div>
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Happy day everyone! My name is Lara! I am so excited to guest post for Ashlee! She is a dear friend and I look up to her in so many ways! I wanted to share a little about me! I am a mother to seven, married for 16 years! Our lives are busy, crazy and so wonderful all at once! I grew up as number two in my large family of eleven children! There were always lots of children around, always a little one that I could help take care of. I loved it! I knew at a very young age I wanted to be a mom. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, with out fail every time, my response was be a mom! Fast forward 23 years and I became a mom! Our sweet Emma was a part of my heart before she even entered this world. I loved her before I even met her, I have felt the same way seven times.... and each time is just as wonderful! I will take all the kids running errands and I get a lot of looks, questions, raised eyebrows. I greet each one of those with a smile! Isn't it so wonderful that we were blessed with seven! Seventh heaven! Some people see it as a lot of work and I don't see it that way, I find it joyful. I want to see the joy that is in those everyday things. I truly believe it is a matter of perception. I can see the last minute grocery store errand with either a joyful heart or look at it as an irritation. I choose to love that quick trip to the store, I choose to make it fun and see it as some extra time we got to be together! I think it is so important that our kids see us be joyful and love what we are doing, that we love them. Look beyond the chore and really</div>
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see them in that moment~ Find the joy!</div>
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Life is not always super rosy and easy! We have our crazy chaos moments in our home too! Honestly some of the worst moments turn into the best memories! I will share one quick story with you. My husband was out of town, my children had the stomach flu...... four of them at once.... it was awful! I will never forget that night. I was in the tv room with a few of the sick kids, Emma our oldest was helping Lucy (4) get some water in the kitchen. Lucy starts throwing up, Emma yells for help, Mikey (10) jumps over the couch to grab a bowl, he slides through the throw up, he starts dry heaving. Emma then starts getting sick too, when she sees Mikey has now gotten vomit all over the floor! The other kids were yelling to get them to watch out for the vomit! It was a disaster and now one of the funniest stories that they will laugh about. I always try to remember that in those crazy moments!</div>
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So now that I am in my thirties (YIKES!) and a mom, is it all I thought it would be? If I could go back, would I change my answer from mom to something different like doctor? No, not even for a second. My dreams have come true, being a mom is all I ever imagined and more. My heart aches with love every day. I love them more every day, I love being their mom more every day. Is it hard, oh my yes! There are days of not showering, days of not eating a "real " breakfast, sleepless nights, messy bedrooms that were just cleaned the day before, meltdowns and arguments with each other. There are also surprise hugs, stolen kisses, beautiful drawings of their "family", whisperings at night of plans for the next day, inside jokes, reading together, playing together, impromptu dance parties, teenage quick hugs, family games, and little hands that hold mine. I see my sweet children growing into these amazing people.......and I think.... hard , oh yes, some days it is hard .... worth it.... oh my, yes EVERYDAY! </div>
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So the next time you are out running errands or cleaning the house or making dinner, invite your kids, find the joy in it! Make some memories, laugh, dance a little and remember these are fleeting moments! If you see me out and about with my little family, come up say hi! If I have not showered or have baby spit up on my clothes, just know that as hectic as it may seem, I am living my very own dream come true!</div>
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Huge Hugs!</div>
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Lara</div>
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-74882940262846125322014-01-24T06:44:00.001-08:002014-01-24T06:45:41.170-08:00Happy Winter--A Video!<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/84903233" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe> <br />
<i><a href="http://vimeo.com/84903233">Sledding</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user8678740">Ashlee Smith</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</i><br />
Music by Mindy Gledhill **Whole Wide World<br />
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I've met the dearest friend here in Wisconsin, and we've decided to take over each other's blogs next week and share a little bit about our lives with a new set of people (she has 7 kids and the funnest ideas ever!!!) so check back next week for a guest post from Lara, and in the meantime...stay warm and have an awesome weekend!</div>
Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-30022660567764322762014-01-22T18:26:00.000-08:002014-01-22T18:26:32.380-08:00Chef Nolan<div style="text-align: justify;">
Nolan is such a boy! <i>side note: One time, a couple weeks after our foreign exchange student, Nadja, came to live with us, I was having real trouble adjusting to another girl living in the house and was a little bit jealous of the attention she was receiving, and in an epic fight, the meanest thing I could think of was to yell at her "YOU'RE SUCH A GIRL!" She looked at me like I was stupid, and said, "of course I am". That was our only fight. </i>So anyway, about this boy of mine...he's so hands-on, and if there's a tool involved in whatever it is I'm doing, he's right there by my side, tooling it up. And really, anything goes with this kid. If I'm putting on make up, he's all about the brushes and if I'm doing my hair, the blow dryer is his bff. <i>another side note: I washed my hair Sunday morning before church and as I was drying it (and in a hurry, I might add) my blow dryer quit. It quit. Stopped working. We tried pushing the red reset button thingy. Nothing. We plugged it into a different outlet. Nada. It turned into a wet bun on top of the head kind of day. And the highlight of being me? I bet nobody suspected a thing because almost every single day of my life is a wet bun on top of the head kind of day.</i> And probably Nolan's favorite tools are in the kitchen. The kid's a maniac with a whisk, a wooden spoon aficianado, and you ought to see him with my stand mixer!! Anyway...the point of all of this is that Nolan's at an age now where he's not just in it for the looks, he's in it for the real deal and if we're cooking something up in the kitchen...WE'RE cooking something up in the kitchen. He's all hands on deck and he's becoming absolutely helpful. Today I was making us some rice cakes for brunch (2 dead birds right there..BAM!) and Nolan did most of the work, INCLUDING the dishes afterwards (which I will forever more let him think is the biggest privilege in the entire world and which he will continue to believe because, well...bubbles). So to sum this puppy up, Nolan pretty much made me breakfast this morning and then I gave him approximately one billion kisses.</div>
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For anyone who might be curious, rice cakes are something my mom made for us growing up, usually with left over rice from last night's dinner. The recipe (sort of, it's mostly just a do it til it looks right thing) is below:</div>
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3 cups of cooked rice</div>
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4 eggs</div>
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1 tsp salt</div>
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mix well (you're looking for a batter-like consistency, lean more towards the eggy side rather than the ricey side)</div>
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cook/bake them like pancakes</div>
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We serve them with butter and jelly on top. </div>
Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-89445032789270322752014-01-11T11:08:00.002-08:002014-01-11T11:16:12.675-08:00My Town..Chicago Is<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
We took a mini little day trip to Chicago for a quick meeting and my city-loving heart simultaneously burst in two, and filled all the way up again. Mercy I miss Chicago. We simply didn't stay long enough, and despite the small and insignificant wager Collin and I had, we didn't see a single person we know on the streets. I blame the most intense rain storm in all the land. Next time we'll stay a little longer and see the people we love, but until then, this little trip will tide us over. </div>
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-28330549824321096912014-01-07T17:29:00.001-08:002014-01-07T17:29:51.279-08:00Read To Him: An Answer To Prayer<div style="text-align: justify;">
For several months, two major things have been worrying me about my Noly. First, he has a huge love for shows. In fact, it's often the first thing he asks for in the morning. And secondly, he wasn't talking as much, or as quickly as I felt he should be. Neither of these things are astronomical, and compared to everything this boy does so right, they were no big deals, but as a mom, I always have to have something to worry about, so too much tv, and not enough talking it was. Collin and I talked about it a lot and decided not to stress about it, but we also decided we needed to be proactive. We prayed. We asked for help to know how to help him learn and grow as he should. And one morning, as I was making Nol breakfast, a sweet voice whispered in my ear, "read to him while he eats", and that's what we've been doing ever since. I set a few books out on the dining table each night and these days when he wakes up, he runs downstairs, asks for food and books, and it just really feels like we're starting our day off right. It beats us fighting, or hearing "Oh Tro Tro, Oh Tro Tro" first thing in the morning, by a long shot! And our prayers have been answered time and time again, as each day he seems to wake up with a host of new words, and now (and be still my soul) he even sings whole songs. Some may say, he's just growing up and learning how to talk, but I know it was Heavenly Father hearing our prayers and answering them directly. And what a life it is, being able to hear from his own mouth the thoughts that are inside my little man's head! </div>
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Some of our very favorites right now:</div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Because-Your-Dad-Ahmet-Zappa/dp/142314774X"><i>Because I'm Your Dad</i></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Animal-Strike-Zoo-Its-True/dp/0060575026"><i>Animal Strike At The Zoo</i></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Little-Boy-Alison-McGhee/dp/141695872X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1389144143&sr=8-1&keywords=little+boy+book"><i>Little Boy</i></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Shape-Me-Other-Stuff-Surprising/dp/0679886311/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389144242&sr=1-1&keywords=shapes+dr+suess"><i>The Shape of Me and Other Stuff</i></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Are-You-Mother-Beginner-Books/dp/0394800184/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389144310&sr=1-1&keywords=are+you+my+mother"><i>Are You My Mother</i></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Fingers-Thumb-Bright-Early-Board/dp/0679890483/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389144337&sr=1-1&keywords=hand+hand+fingers+thumb"><i>Hand Hand Fingers Thumb</i></a></div>
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-5434349822745460502014-01-06T09:06:00.001-08:002014-01-06T09:07:57.349-08:00I Can't Believe He's Mine<div style="text-align: justify;">
There really aren't words to express how much I love this little boy. He is so good. I love his toes that can't help but point themselves. I love his big huge smile and that gap between his teeth! Oh that gap! And the dimple in his chin that provides for the best kissing spot in all the land. And this new thing he's doing where he hands me an instrument and he sits down at the piano and says "song" and then every single dream I've ever had comes true, over and over again. I just...can't believe he's mine. </div>
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Spoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-68268363208247642232014-01-04T18:25:00.001-08:002014-01-04T18:25:08.569-08:00Peanut Blossoms<div style="text-align: justify;">
Collin has repeatedly declared the peanut blossom as his favorite cookie. And thus the very last bit of Christmas candy (which were obviously the kisses because the miniature candy bars go WAY faster than the kisses) turned into the makings of the Saturday night before <a href="http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=02fe9aa07a0ab010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=21bc9fbee98db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD"><i>Fast Sunday</i></a> treat, a must in every Mormon home. </div>
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A few things of importance:</div>
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*the recipe we used came from the cookbook Collin's mom gave us for our wedding which is filled with recipes Collin ate growing up</div>
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*the only thing better than eating an entire cookie is just licking off the warm, melty kiss, which Nolan so kindly demonstrated for us this evening</div>
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*to make the time the cookies are in the oven go by extra fast, be sure and race around the house on a yellow car/bike while a daddy chases you</div>
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*every once in a while, the 1:1 ratio of cookie to kiss just isn't right, and in that scenario, 2 kisses is the answer</div>
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*milk, lots and lots of milk</div>
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Peanut Blossoms<br />
Cream: 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/2 cup shortening 1/2 cup peanut butter<br />
Beat in: 1 egg 2 TBS milk 1 tsp vanilla<br />
Mix in on low 1/+3/4 cup flour 1 tsp baking soda 1 tsp salt<br />
Shape into balls, rollin sugar, bake on an un-greased sheet at 350º for 10-12 minutes<br />
Top with a chocolate candy kiss immediately after removing cookies from ovenSpoiled Eggshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08412894359081848118noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-33128679837822880262014-01-03T19:12:00.001-08:002014-01-03T19:24:17.217-08:00Why Not?<div style="text-align: justify;">
Tonight, after a really random and unplanned chain of fantastic events, I said to Collin, "why was today so perfect?" and he quickly responded, "why not?!". That really made me think…why not? Could I get pregnant some day? Why not? Should I paint Nolan's bedroom tomorrow, even though the rest of my house looks like a tornado went through? Why not?! Is eating snow that's been covered in copious amounts of sugary syrup a good idea? Why not?! Other events of today that were a direct result of the why not attitude: building a fire, making smores, eating too many pretzels while watching a show inside a fort, playing Super Mario Bros til I beat it….twice, having popcorn and italian cream soda for dinner, and last but certainly not least…teaching Nolan the art of Slap Jack. Hearing him scream "a face!" and then watching his pudgy, perfect little hand slap poor ol' Jack right in the kisser was one of the cutest things I've seen in his whole two years of life. So, why was today perfect? WHY NOT!!!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-80706022249148729362014-01-01T16:10:00.000-08:002014-01-01T16:10:32.132-08:00Look Forward With An Eye Of Faith<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">Sometimes life is easier with a good set of blinders on. For example, it's lot easier for me to go about my days when I'm emotionally denying that my dad died, or telling myself that I actually might get pregnant this month, or even that quoting the one scripture that I have memorized as fast as I can at bedtime totally counts as family scripture study. Sometimes it's just easier to not face the facts. Because facts like I'm for sure not going to be pregnant this month, and my dad has been gone for 2 whole Christmases, and we haven't actually sat down as a family and read more than 2 versus of scripture in over a week, are really, quite sad. But recently I read a scripture from The Book of Mormon that said, "do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith?" and suddenly it hit me, that by choosing to be blind to hard things, I'm denying myself an opportunity to grow in faith and come closer to Jesus Christ. Deciding to be spiritually blind is a temporary solution for getting through life and mortality, rather than exercising faith which is an eternal solution for exaltation. I want that last one, the one that includes exaltation, eternity, and faith. I know that means hard days will come. But when I get hit with a ton of infertility bricks, or when I finally get up the courage to listen to that voice mail I still have from my dad and then I fall to a million pieces, or when I foolishly make it through another day by skimping on our scripture study, instead of putting on my blinders, my goal is this: I will look forward with an eye of faith, and trust in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, and know that everything will be okay, through Him. </span></div>
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Collin and I decided this will be our family theme for 2014. I plan on printing and hanging this for our family to see every day. You're welcome to print one for yourself!<br />
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Alma 5:15 Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you? Do you look forward with an eye of faith, and view this mortal body raised in immortality, and this corruption raised in incorruption, to stand before God to be judged according to the deeds which have been done in the mortal body?<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6593151821609318804.post-541273464649624242013-12-31T08:30:00.003-08:002014-01-22T06:37:19.086-08:002013<div style="text-align: justify;">
Where's the meme with Willy Wonka's face on it that says, "I don't always blog, but when I do it's on super hipster/trendy days like new year's eve."? That's the meme for me. :)</div>
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My heart is full as 2013 comes to an end. We moved our family twice, we bought our first home, we bought a car, we live in the most amazing little town with the most amazing people and we just spent 2 blissful weeks with family. In 2013 Collin took a new job, Nolan grew 6 inches, and I learned a whole bunch of stuff, some of it I wanted to learn, some of it I didn't. </div>
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But as one giant lump of a year, 2013 was full of miracles and blessings and happiness and love, and I'm humbled to be alive and to have God in my life. Here's to a bright 2014, and….since this did start out as a blog about infertility after all, here's to hoping that 2014 will bring Nolan a brother or a sister. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com